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Almost cheated on my wife

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by fooror, Apr 7, 2011.

  1. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    OK, not really 'almost', I don't think there was ever any real danger of it happening, but I'm still feeling mega weird about it.

    I've been with my wife for years, and get on with her great: we're happy. Then completely randomly I was out with my (female) boss the other night, while we were staying in another city for a conference. A few of us went out for dinner and then drinks afterwards - done this loads of times.

    So anyways, it's getting late, and it's just me and the boss left, which is usually the case as we are the drunkards of the pack. Bar closes, so end up going back to my hotel room and raiding the mini bar (helpful note: this is not advisable, my credit card almost melted the next day when I had to pay the bill....and the lady at checkout made me list everything we'd had....cow :D). Also done the 'back in the room' thing loads of times, but there is usually a few of us. Didn't think anything of it with it just being me and her, as we've been friends for years.

    So a couple more hours of progressive drunkenness ensued, with lots of youtube music being played...then we started dancing (just the two of us in the room, so we must have been very drunk) then it kinda got a bit weird and felt quite distinctly that something naughty could very easily happen.

    Got my head together, backed off a bit, and then we both just ended up falling asleep, fully clothed, on the separate beds.

    Was a bit weird the next day, as we both kind of acknowledged (without actually saying anything) that something could have happened, and are both a bit embarrassed about it I suppose.

    But I have just been feeling so bizarre since. A mix of:

    A sort of buzz/self-worth, as my boss is really hot and way out of my league
    Guilt...even though I did nothing
    Concern that our friendship might get weird
    And honestly.....a bit of regret, wondering what might have been.

    I do hope that this strange feeling passes, as I want to get back to my normal life. I'm also a little worried about what might happen in the future when I get to mid-life crisis age!!
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    I think all of those feelings are pretty natural to have after that kind of situation. It is probably best that you take more precautions in the future though to not get yourself in those situations in the first place. Kind of like someone on a diet staying out of candy stores, stay away from possible future temptations. Obviously you can't stay away from your boss, but maybe do things like hold off on drinking much around her, spend less time with her when able, etc.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the wonderful world of being a human being and not a paragon of virtue!
    Am in no way advocating cheating on anyone (something I've never done in my life), but there's a huge difference between being tempted and actually doing it.
    Let's be honest, no matter how much you love your spouse as the years go on we all lose the zing that only happens in the early days of a relationship.
    Everyone (if they're really honest) gets a little tempted.
    Well done you for pulling back and counting the cost of infidelity.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Also why not try to put those feelings into your relationship with your wife...take her out on a date, go back to a motel room and have the night you should have...J
  5. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    Oh lordy it would have been a hideous mistake....too many repercussions to mention.

    I think this has just brought out some old teenage feelings in me, that I thought were long gone.

    Hopefully I'll be alright in a week or so.
  6. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    lol, then she'll know for sure that something is up ;o)
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    As my dad told me "Almost Doesn't count". Booze does weird things to people. When I am drunk I become a completely different person. YOu just have to learn how to control yourself. Maybe ask yourself why you felt the need to get intimate? Many people say they are happy. However, they are just saying it. Just a thought, maybe you are not turned on by your wife anymore. It is possible to love someone without being sexually attracted to them.

    There are plenty of maybe scenarios. The important thing is to learn from this one. Next time you get drunk make sure you can keep yourself some what aware of what is going on. Try not to lose yourself in the chemicals you consume.
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    and if you think all that drinking helped contribute to potentially bad decision making you may want to make some plans to reduce your alcohol consumption

    why keep tempting fate?
  9. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    Reduce drinking? Ooh blimey, I don't think that is going to happen, lol.

    I can easily avoid one on one drunken situations with her though....... it was only a random occurrence as it was.

    What concerns me is that I WANT it to happen again.

    I think I just need to get my head straight.
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you WANT it to happen again then something is definiely missing in your relationship with your wife. Don't be tempting fate anymore or you will lose everything you have. Start with getting some therapy to see why you WAnT this to happen again Spend more time out with your wife
  11. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    I think everyone here is a bit prudish.

    This thing that happened to you will end up being beneficial to your relationship. There is nothing wrong in feeling the way you did and there is nothing wrong with you for nearly having had a one nighter with your boss! Though it might create some awkward moments and cause some problems at work.

    After so many years of marriage you loose sight that you are still desirable to other people and a thing like this can bring you alive and boost your ego. Even a meaningless fling can be good for your marriage.
  12. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    Yes, that's something I forgot to say....I am also pretty damn chuffed with myself that even with the 'excuse' of being pissed beyond words, I still didn't give into temptation and eat the forbidden fruit.....

    Even though the forbidden fruit would have tasted so sweet...

    Shit, I think I regret the lack of fruit more than the 'good husband' feeling. :/

    Ah well, it's probably because I'm pissed again. I really must stop drinking.....lol.
  13. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    This is still going on for me; has done for months now.

    It's getting well strange, as it's quite obvious that we're both dying to get in the sack, but we're both involved in good relationships and know that it would be really wrong.

    We'll be working together for the foreseeable future too, so I am kinda worried that one day it might actually happen.:anony:
  14. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    I can't recommend it. i know what my my cheating did to me.
    let the desire go,the good husband feeling is worth so much more.
  15. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    No sex is worth losing your wife and job over.
  16. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    boy i misspoke..i meant to say my wife cheating did to me...
    lord god now i'm so confused i can't talk straight.
  17. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    The real problem here is your irresponsible drinking habits.

    Time to grow up, you're not a teenager anymore.
  18. marklondon

    marklondon Well-Known Member

    Don't do it.

    I hope you never have to experience being cheated on, but if you do you will understand the devastating effects it can have on everyone involved. It is easy enough to think you can just sleep with her once and as long as your partner doesn't find out, there will be no problem. But in the real world, having an affair changes you--it changes your attitude to your partner, your way of thinking about your relationship, and therefore affects your relationship whether or not your partner finds out about it.

    I say this as a man whose life has been completely destroyed by my ex deciding to have an affair rather than work out the problems in our relationship -- by the time she bothered even to talk to me about those problems, the affair had changed her feelings for me to the point where they could no longer be repaired.

    If you want to break up with her, fine; if you want to try to negotiate an open relationship, fine. But whatever you do, do the decent thing and be honest with her--don't abuse her trust. You might save her heart, your relationship, even her life.
  19. fooror

    fooror Well-Known Member

    I'll have you know I am a very responsible drunk. :)