Almost Convinced

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by IamaLostsheep, Dec 31, 2015.

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  1. IamaLostsheep

    IamaLostsheep New Member

    ...I'll act on a suicide plan soon.

    I have a long history of thoughts & attempts. Less than a month ago, I was hospitalized after my most recent bout. For the past week or so, I've been feeling this way again. I've put it off, but am really thinking of doing it after I finish a current work assignment.

    I have a good therapist and am scheduled to see her next week, right after I finish this assignment. I don't know if I should mention it to her, or if I'm overreacting. I'm also afraid of her response. Part of me just wants to do it because life won't ever get better, but part wants things to change. Plus, I don't know how to bring it up.

    I'm afraid of not being able to control myself, but also think I should know better by now (as I said, I have a long history).

    Anyone have any advice?
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I am saddened that you feel the way you feel. I know you must find it hard to cope with life but please be strong. Please remember you are no longer alone as we all face similar circumstances like you but we support each other. We are a PRO-LIFE support group, so please keep posting here your thoughts and let us help YOU. Be safe please.
  3. Lightwarrior

    Lightwarrior SF Social Media

    Hello, it´s very sad that You´re considering such a thing, I cannot blame your since I am not in your shoes and have no idea what life has been for You but I can tell You that the part of You that wants things to change is the one You should listen to !!! I don´t know what kind of changes You need in your life, if You are lonely, You probably want someone by your side, if many troubles occur wherever You go, You probably want peace to surround You more but I believe that first of You, You should work on yourself and not expect your life´s reality to change, sometimes the changes we need in life are not entirely up to us but the ones that concern our mental state and the way We feel are up to us, although the environment can influence and the past can influence, nevertheless, each morning we open our eyes and wake up, We have a new chance to progress in life and give more steps foward. I don´t know what has been happening in your life but seems like You are stuck in something, I think that because, as You said, You have a long history of suicidal thoughts and attempts.

    I know that You probably might have been carrying a very heavy weight inside yourself due to pain that life brought You, I know it hurts and makes life unbearable sometimes but I think that your pessimism keeps you from rising up. I am no one to tell You to do this or do that but I know for a fact that pessimism is something that overpower us and keep us from rising up. I believe You want to rise up but pessimism will not let You go too far, maybe You should start working on it, getting rid of it and start feeding self confidence. Sometimes we don´t believe a good change can happen because we don´t try to make it happen, We think it´s impossible and that very thought is the barrier between us and our success, between us and our healing. You can heal, not forget things but heal in a way that what had happened do not make you dwell in suffer anymore, You can set yourself free but not with death, with living !!!

    Please give yourself a chance, life is worth living when We have the opportunities to make life more satisfying and more happy. You have those opportunities each day when You wake up, fighting is necessary because seems like a lot of bad is trying to consume You, fight instead of letting it overpower You, that fight it not pointless, it is the first step in healing, You cannot have a happy life if suicidal thoughts continue running your mind, You can defeat them but need to fight !!! Life will never be painless but once You learn to heal one thing and other and other, soon whenever You need help, You will look within your own self and heal once again

    I hope this message will shine a light for You, even if a tiny one, the most important is that You make it grow bigger . Give yourself a chance !!!!
  4. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    Hi. Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found us. I'm also glad there is still some part of you, however small, that believes things can get better for you. It's true. Your feelings, no matter how strong, can change. But right now you are almost thoroughly convinced they won't. You need to get through this moment. You need to be safe right now. That might mean, as you already realize, asking for more help. I know it's a very hard thing to do and you're afraid of what might happen. This is understandable. But your life is worth it. You're worth it. If you feel you can't handle things at the moment and might attempt, you need to tell your therapist. Please listen to that part of you that believes this can change, talk to your therapist, hang on, and know that you're not alone!
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