Almost made it to the two year mark

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wormling, Dec 22, 2010.

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  1. Wormling

    Wormling Well-Known Member

    I would say I am surprised that I am back here, but deep down, I know I expected these feelings would return one day. Since I expect, and hope, that everyone who contacted me the last time I was down, 2 years ago, is no longer active on this site, hello to all you new people. I am happy that the website shows my last login here as being on "11th January 2009". I made it nearly 2 years before I sunk to the depths of depression again.

    The last time I was here, I made several posts that explained, at least what I thought, were the roots of my depression. I wont go into them again, since now, I find them to be irrelevant. It is interesting though, that now, after all this time, the same issues still exists and are still dragging me down. Sure, there are some new ones, but the fact that I am still battling many year old issues is dissapointing to say the least. Many life altering changes have been made in this time though. I have changed where I lived and whom I live with, I have had and dumped girlfriends, I have bought new cars, I graduated college with my BA, and I started new jobs. But, with all this, I haven't fixed the root problems. I did do what I promised last time though. In the interum, I did seek therapy and was in therapy for about 4 months. I also tried antidepressants and was on them for a few months. All has been well, reasonably, till about a month ago, when I guess, everything added together to make it all come crashing down. Since a month ago, I have been on a downward spiral. I have isolated myself from friends and family, cut off all social contact that is not needed (talk to boss and coworkers only, and very minimally), and I lock myself in my room now as much as possible where I can go to escape reality. I also find that I have lost interest in almost everything and starting this week, have been skipping meals because I've even lost interest in food. Lately, it has gotten down to the all too familiar place where I am dreaming and fantasizing about death and ways to die. This is not healthy, and I know that, but all my attempts to derail this pity train have failed.

    So, I now find myself back here posting to like minded individuals who can understand how I feel and what I am going through and can hopefully give me support and encouragement. After all, talking about my problems here seemed to help 2 years ago, so, why not now, right?

    Well, again, greetings and thank you for reading this. I shall be posting off and on soon I imagine as time allows and as my feelings and motivations fluxuate.

  2. Wormling

    Wormling Well-Known Member

    And I just noticed, my join date was actually from way back in 2007. So, 4 years almost of off and on chatter on here. But, I guess in a way that is good, because it means that I am still here.
  3. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    First off.. Welcome back. I guess the thing with depression is you're never really sure when its actually gone. I myself have gone anywhere from a few days to a few months without feeling down.
  4. TheOncomingStorm

    TheOncomingStorm Well-Known Member

    Welcome back to the site, here if you ever need to talk :hug:
  5. Wormling

    Wormling Well-Known Member

    Thanks Kankuro. I have been chatting with a friend who is helping by listening to me, for the past 2 hours now. And I have been reading my old posts here. It is amazing how much things have changed, and yet, are still the same. I think for me to break this cycle of on again, off again depression and suicidal thoughts, I need to tackle the root issues. Otherwise, I simply slap on a bandaid, and am cheered up for maybe months, or even years, but the problems are still there, festering, waiting to bring me down again.
  6. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Yes, That is very true. I actually never really thought of it that way before.. You're right though. I suppose that is the key.. to tackle the root issues.
  7. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Sometimes our head swirls with all of lifes problems, and it brings us further down.
    I think by taking a space, looking at each problem and doing our best to tackle one at a time, instead of letting them wash all over us, is a way forward.
    Then, our minds have a little more space and can be filled a little more with positive emotions.
    Intention thats the key, not easy i know.
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