Almost slit my throat

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by duka, Mar 13, 2009.

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  1. duka

    duka Well-Known Member

    I don't really know why I'm writing about this. My best guess is that I've got a lot of emotions building up, and no way to vent. I suppose I could tell my mom (with whom I still live; it's a long story) or my step-dad (also a long story) or any of my siblings, but I already know what they'd say. They'd give the same advice they always give: "It's your problem and your fault. Only you can fix your own problems, so pull yourself together and get to work." I realize a lot of people write or talk about these things to get attention or have people prove them wrong (the old "give me one good reason" trick), but I'm not. I've never been one for attention, probably because I could never get away with it.

    Anyway, as I said before, I almost slit my throat. Things have been looking pretty bleak. I'll try not to tell my whole sob story here, because I know nobody wants to know all that. Basically, I'm between high school and college at 20 years old, mostly because I tried to do some things after high school that it turned out I didn't want to do, and nothing seems right for me. To sum up the reasons I feel this way, I feel worthles, and have for a long time. I'm broke, untalented, lonely, and all possible futures seem like utter crap to me. Plus, I'm stuck in a town with no employment opportunities. No rags to riches stories happening here.

    Basically, I see no reason to live. This has nothing to do with pain I'm trying to escape, or a point I'm trying to prove. It's just that I honestly don't care whether I live or die, and sometimes, when I feel more worthless than usual, I feel more inclined to die than to live. So far, I haven't killed myself (obviously). I've come extremely close, but I haven't done it. It's probably because I haven't been depressed enough yet, although it seems to be getting steadily worse everytime I get like that. Anyway, reply if you want. If nothing else, it's good to finally get this out, even if nobody ends up reading this.
  2. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    Hey duka, I totally understand where your coming from, the feelings that there are no opportunities for you and the feelings that life is hopeless.
    But I know that by you getting it out of your system a little bit, -by posting in this forum is good .
    Im sorry I cant really give any advice right now, because Im really down, so I just hope for you that life turns around in a more positive direction....
  3. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    please dont harm/damage your body, u wont die and ull make things worse...try to be more possitive and optimist, i would like to give u better advices but im in a very similar position as u....just know that ur not alone and theres many ppl feeling like u do and a lot worse too!
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    welcome to s.f.

    it is a very positive step you made, by reaching out here. it shows that you do want to live, but that you want to feel better. here we all understand that same feeling, and we try to support each other.

    i hope you find the support you need - pm if you want to talk xxx
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Dave,
    You say theres no job possibilities where you live and college is out of the question..Why don't you try a occupatioal school where they train you in an occupation of your choosing. Thats what my daughter did and became a hair stylist..She makes pretty good money and also does people on the side so it is pure profit for her..
    I don't know what interests you but why not give it a chance and see what happens..
  6. duka

    duka Well-Known Member

    No, college isn't out of the question. I neglected to mention this, but I was accepted into a college. It's not something that interests me, and I have no money to pay for it, or even to get started on renting a place for me, but I was accepted. That's the thing, though; nothing really interests me. It always feels like I have no place. That's how it's felt for a while, and I think the feelings have been compounding over time. Now it just seems like there's no point, as if life were as empty as death itself. Sounding kind of emo, I know, but it's unintentional. Of course, I'll try to sleep on this yet again, just in case I desperately want to live tomorrow (who knows how things can change, right?).
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