I don't really know why I'm writing about this. My best guess is that I've got a lot of emotions building up, and no way to vent. I suppose I could tell my mom (with whom I still live; it's a long story) or my step-dad (also a long story) or any of my siblings, but I already know what they'd say. They'd give the same advice they always give: "It's your problem and your fault. Only you can fix your own problems, so pull yourself together and get to work." I realize a lot of people write or talk about these things to get attention or have people prove them wrong (the old "give me one good reason" trick), but I'm not. I've never been one for attention, probably because I could never get away with it. Anyway, as I said before, I almost slit my throat. Things have been looking pretty bleak. I'll try not to tell my whole sob story here, because I know nobody wants to know all that. Basically, I'm between high school and college at 20 years old, mostly because I tried to do some things after high school that it turned out I didn't want to do, and nothing seems right for me. To sum up the reasons I feel this way, I feel worthles, and have for a long time. I'm broke, untalented, lonely, and all possible futures seem like utter crap to me. Plus, I'm stuck in a town with no employment opportunities. No rags to riches stories happening here. Basically, I see no reason to live. This has nothing to do with pain I'm trying to escape, or a point I'm trying to prove. It's just that I honestly don't care whether I live or die, and sometimes, when I feel more worthless than usual, I feel more inclined to die than to live. So far, I haven't killed myself (obviously). I've come extremely close, but I haven't done it. It's probably because I haven't been depressed enough yet, although it seems to be getting steadily worse everytime I get like that. Anyway, reply if you want. If nothing else, it's good to finally get this out, even if nobody ends up reading this.