A few months ago life got too much. Last year I lost my job, my friends, and what hurt the most, my fiancee all in the space of a few months, so took to drinking heavily and taking what ever substances I could get my hands on.
So in March, I <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I don't know why I did it, I'd felt fine all day, I was just sat watching tv, bored, thinking, and thought f it, and just downed it all within the space of an hour. TBH that's all I can remember, the only thing I remember after that is waking up in Rotherham general a week later.
I'd been in a coma, kidneys were shutting down, but I pulled through. I just remember that first moment my eyes opened, I couldn't see, or think, everything was just hazy, like a dream, I thought I was dead, that first moment I woke up, I think I smiled, I just remembered a huge rush of relief, and then I assume I just dozed off. I woke up again two days later, what ever they were dripping into me seems to had worked as I woke up properly this time, and realized I was actually in the hospital, and that's when the huge rush of depression, and disappointment, and upset, and anger hit.
I took enough crap to kill an elephant, why was I alive?! I hated the person who found me on the bathroom floor, and I hated the doctors for saving me, it's my right to die is it not?! It's MY choice, nobody has a right to interfere.
I was locked in a mental health wing for a while, then was released as long as I went into a crisis centre, I stayed for 7 days, and after another reassessment I was passed onto the care of family on condition I keep in regular tough with my social worker, see my GP once a week and turn up to all psychiatrist appointments.
Now, life's worse than ever, cos even though I'm alive, I'm ill all the time, I'm tired all the time, everytime I go out with friends for a drink I know I might die because the alcohol along with all my medication I'm on could shut my kidneys down as they haven't recovered from the ordeal.
I'm a prisoner now, I'm not allowed to be alone for long, my parents are treating me like a kid watching over me, keeping medication locked up and giving me my meds themselves, won't let me pick up my own prescription, my mum got my doctor to give me a med4 and she won't let me work, when all I want to do is get my own flat, and get back to work, and see if I can salvage some life.
They don't understand that all this 'protecting me from harming myself' is now the reason I DO want to die. Because this is no life at all. I can't sleep, I'm barely eating, I'm stressed all the time, I'm tense all the time, I just want my freedom back
This life is even harder than the one I had before
So in March, I <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I don't know why I did it, I'd felt fine all day, I was just sat watching tv, bored, thinking, and thought f it, and just downed it all within the space of an hour. TBH that's all I can remember, the only thing I remember after that is waking up in Rotherham general a week later.
I'd been in a coma, kidneys were shutting down, but I pulled through. I just remember that first moment my eyes opened, I couldn't see, or think, everything was just hazy, like a dream, I thought I was dead, that first moment I woke up, I think I smiled, I just remembered a huge rush of relief, and then I assume I just dozed off. I woke up again two days later, what ever they were dripping into me seems to had worked as I woke up properly this time, and realized I was actually in the hospital, and that's when the huge rush of depression, and disappointment, and upset, and anger hit.
I took enough crap to kill an elephant, why was I alive?! I hated the person who found me on the bathroom floor, and I hated the doctors for saving me, it's my right to die is it not?! It's MY choice, nobody has a right to interfere.
I was locked in a mental health wing for a while, then was released as long as I went into a crisis centre, I stayed for 7 days, and after another reassessment I was passed onto the care of family on condition I keep in regular tough with my social worker, see my GP once a week and turn up to all psychiatrist appointments.
Now, life's worse than ever, cos even though I'm alive, I'm ill all the time, I'm tired all the time, everytime I go out with friends for a drink I know I might die because the alcohol along with all my medication I'm on could shut my kidneys down as they haven't recovered from the ordeal.
I'm a prisoner now, I'm not allowed to be alone for long, my parents are treating me like a kid watching over me, keeping medication locked up and giving me my meds themselves, won't let me pick up my own prescription, my mum got my doctor to give me a med4 and she won't let me work, when all I want to do is get my own flat, and get back to work, and see if I can salvage some life.
They don't understand that all this 'protecting me from harming myself' is now the reason I DO want to die. Because this is no life at all. I can't sleep, I'm barely eating, I'm stressed all the time, I'm tense all the time, I just want my freedom back
This life is even harder than the one I had before
