Almost Two Years..

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Dispirited, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. Dispirited

    Dispirited New Member

    Well... For those of you that may not know me, I lost my dad a few years ago. In fact it will be exactly two years this June. Now I know its not my fault, but I cant help but blame myself, not really for his death but for things that we never got to do.. or things I never told him.

    It didn't help much when I lost my horse this past November.. and I feel 100% guilty about that. I feel like I didn't help her the way I could. I feel like I let her down by making the decision of putting her to sleep. Deep down I know that I helped her.. she was in so much pain.

    7 years ago.. I also suffered a great loss. My aunt died in a car accident.. I partly blame myself.. I also know that deep down I need to let it go. Hanging on to stuff like this for so long cant be healthy.

    I have done many things I regret, I've done drugs.. and stuff like that.

    I just dont know what to do anymore.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    i am sorry for your loss :hug:
  3. rolf

    rolf New Member

    I am sorry for your loss....I have just lost my father.

    And I feel way more guilty....we were not talking to each other much and arguing. And I didn't realise how ill he really was.
  4. dolphin

    dolphin Member

    I was crying when I read your message. Your dad, your aunt are at peace and your horse too. would you rather see your horse suffer than put her to sleep? you made the right decision, you can feel when an animal is not well.
    I think that when someone dies we blame ourselves for things we didn't do or say because when they're gone, you can no longer pick up the phone or email or even talk to them.
    be strong. :smile:
  5. three

    three Member

    Ohhh I'm a horse lover, too. You know what? Had you not put your horse to sleep, you would have wondered if you should have instead - and then might have felt bad that you didn't end her suffering. I lost an old horse last year. I had wondered if I should put him to sleep and he ended up dying of his old age. So now I wish I had put him to sleep a little earlier. I don't think we ever give ourselves a break, really.

    You know what I think? I think that you're immensely caring and that you feel responsible for people and animals in your life that you love. I think that's wonderful way to be, a way that I wish more people in this world were. I'm sorry it causes you pain, though, having a big heart.

    When we lose someone, we always second guess ourselves. We always think of what more we could have done. Even with my dad (lost him 8 years ago) where I did the best anyone could have, I still wish I would have told him I loved him at a certain time, etc. We rarely get realize at the right time that it's The Right Time to do things, and even if we do we often don't do what we later wish we had because we second guess ourselves or just don't because we don't.

    That doesn't make us bad. It makes us 200% human beings. That's all.

    I think you sound wonderful and whoever is in your life is lucky to have someone who actually cares after loved ones are gone. Spoil yourself with those thoughts, giving yourself a little credit. ;)