After a really horrible day at work and my wife tonight saying she wishes she could divorce me (among other things) and that our lives are never going to get better (coming up with plans to try to improve my life has been one of the things that has sustained me) I almost went through with it. Why can't I just get it over with and quit going through all the pain. Everything lined up perfect finally to do it. I recently moved into the spare room since my wife's snoring is getting worse and worse, and I moved my suicide kit into that room, and had such a horrible day and after that my wife went to bed and was still mad enough I was confident I could do it. But I didn't pass out as fast as I expected and a flood of thoughts entered it. Thoughts of not seeing my son grow up, and how much I'll miss him even though I won't actually exist anymore, I couldn't shake that feeling. My son is the biggest reason I haven't done it already. And also thoughts of forever having no conciseness and not seeing the aftermath. So I chickened out. I was probably a few seconds away from blacking out and it would be over. Now I got to wake up to my wife bitching at me, then the next day go and pretend to believe in fairy tales at church, then the next stay start my same crappy work week all over, being yelled at by customer's all day, and tons of pressure to perform or lose my job. The problem with my wife is I just am not physically attracted to her anymore. And the things that would help me be attracted, the kind of person she is, if I mentioned it to her, no matter how subtly and nice, she would rip my head off and make it 10x worse. She has really let herself go and I get grossed out and can't keep an erection, so we haven't had sex for a long time and that pisses her off. Plus I'm always depressed and stressed I think leads to it. Maybe I should go try again. Or maybe should wait and see if she really divorces me. If she does and can't see my son every day, I'm sure it would be easy then. edit- I've tried talking to her calmly in the past about my suicidal tendencies, and she just got pissed and called me names and saying how selfish I was being. A lot of help. So that is off the table. Just made thinks worse, I'm sure she would be fine after the initial shock if I went through with it.