Almost...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by janvan, Jan 4, 2011.

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  1. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    Looking at the tablets and trying to stop crying to take them2 OD's at Xmas and am angrey with myself that I was found in time - out of hosptial now of course. There is nothing and no=one to keep going for. My kids wont miss me and no=one would even notice I wasnt around for weeks. Pathetic life isnt it.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur kid would miss you and their heart would ache for ever please call crisis now okay or go back to hospital tell them you are still not stable hugs:hugtackles::hugtackles:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 7, 2011
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i agree you should go back to the hospital and let them know that you are still suicidal. you can get over this, with help. your kids need you. don't give up now.
     
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    What is so bad in your life that you're doing this? How old are your kids and how many do you have? Is there anyone else who can act as support for you at the moment?
    xxxxx
     
  5. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    i have 3 kids - 14, 16 and 19. had a breaksown over a year ago and they ended up with their father who hasnt cared about them for over 11 years. foiund out now that the 16 year old isnt living with him anymore. his wife hates her so much that her life must have been horrible - she is such a bright, intelligent girl and i am heartbroken she has no parent to care for her. I really screwed everything up by not being able to get through the breakdown and keep going.
    i have depression (long time) and they say i also have borderline personality disorder. have started dbt but therapist is changing at the moment and i cant seem to get anything from the group therapies.
    the kids havent seen me or contacted me for over a year and there is noone left in my life. those tablets are still sitting there staring at me and i dont think i can fight it anymore. the hospital cant do anything and i end up sitting in a lock up for a day, uncomfortable and hopeless - only to be released when i see the doctor. I have cut and cant stop crying. if i take the tablets, i dont know when anyone will even notice i am gone and that hurts so much too. it would be weeks before someone noticed. i cant go to the hospital and see that "not again" look and I cant not fail to kill myself this time as ER have seen me too often over the last couple of months.
    looking seriously now....
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu need to focus on getting well okay so you can find and support you daughter. You can get well and you will it takes time okay but when you are well you will be able to reach out to your children again Please don't desert her as her father did. You go back to the hospital voluntarily and tell the doctor what is happening you need to be strong now and get the help to get better. Things change you can change and be the support system your children need Don't give up on you or on them okay
     
  7. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    i cant help them anymore. the kids dont want me - i failed them once. i am not part of their lives and dont deserve to be.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your daughter needs somebody she is suffering and no you cannot help now but when you are well you will be able to reach Get yourself into hospital and get well You deserve to heal okay and your daughter does need you weather she can see that or not she does as do your other children I know okay been where they are they need you.
     
  9. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    They dont need me for anything - i am tired of being rejected by my family and friends. I am just pathetic. and tired. and not taken enough tablets yet.
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not seeing their pain you are in too much pain yourself to see theirs Ihope you stop what you are doing and realize how much harm you will be causing Phone the hospital get some help throw pills away they will only cause you more pain internally call crisis and get help now please
     
  11. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    i woke up ... not fair - so want to end it all. too painful to keep going. i cant even end it properly. *depair*
     
  12. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    i truly hope this is one of the lowest ebbs of the tide for you.
    i would like you to visualise yourself in perhaps 2 years. you have survived. you look back at this time with compassion. but picture this: you can get through this and make life better. nobody is perfect.
    the thing is if you go ahead with this you will miss out on the chance to look back at this in retrospect and thank god it didn't work.
    you think life won't get better - where is this rule that it's not possible? who says t's not possible for things to get better? you will need support and you will get it.

    if anything it will devastate your children worse than what's already occured.
    i hope you are getting help... you are needed.
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What you can do that will help your inner turmoil is to go in and get help. IT is there okay As said by warrabinda there is a future and it will be brighter you just need to get some support in place. Call crisis line now and go get it okay you are worth it and your family need you do not harm them by doing what you are doing
     
  14. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    i have tried to get help but the hospital drs think it better for me not to be in hospital. i didnt even bother phoning them this time. I cant see it getting better - i have really lost all hope. i cant think any more as I just cry. I dont usually drink but I had one tonight.I havent seen my kids for over a year - they dont know any of this - but it seems that they are happier without me. i just want the hurt to stop. i dont have any other options. my therapist is changing and i cant relate to the group therapy. i cant see any reason to stick aroiund.
     
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't know if you have community care Act team it is called here where medical people come to your home if you are in crisis and do the assessments necessary to see what the best options are for you. I understand if can get so frustrating when you feel noone is listening. You need someone to advocate for you. Have you tried contacting you children any relatives that can help you.
    Some people do worse in hosptal i get that so this is why acute community care is needed. Call the mental health facilities in your area get them to help you okay get you the supports you need. Your doctor the hospital must have connections that will help Please do not give up hope it is there a new door may open soon and it may be the one the helps you so don't quit okay
     
  16. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    this is what makes me really angry, as a professional, about diagnoses.
    I think you mentioned before that you have been diagnosed with BPD? the knowledge in the field is that given that pts with BPD make repeated visits of the hosp (and i see both sides of the experience) that it's better to try and promote self soothing skills so people don't rely on the hosp because at the end of the day we want to encourage people to cope by themselves, i.e. recover.
    this is a controversial area to get into: the fact is however if you are actively making an attempt on your life that's an entirely different issue. you are in severe need of medical attention. screw the medical staff; if they can't look beyond a label and see a human being in pain they shouldn't be there.
    please seek medical attention!
     
  17. janvan

    janvan Well-Known Member

    so i was fine until a year ago - when everything came crashing down. been suicidal and self harming now for a couple of months. i am in therapy but cant se the point in trying. and i keep waking up which is not what i want. how dos anyone keep going?
     
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    pienp post was deleted inappropriate promoting alcohol usage
     
  19. Pienp

    Pienp Active Member

    Right. This forum does not qualify for my needs at the moment. If anyone has any good pro-choice forums that they know, if you could be so kind to PM me. I've been doing a lot of Googling but can't find a suitable forum.

    And what's wrong with alcohol, really, if you only harm yourself for drinking it and pay the bills? I would propably have died in 2007 without that stuff. Now I still have a couple of years to go, and if alcohol gives me a better feeling while hanging on this planet, why not drink it?

    I don't mean anything bad, or want to promote alcohol usage. I just would like to talk about stuff like this, why is it so hard to find a suitable forum for that?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2011
  20. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry we do not promote pro choice here IF you hang around hopefully you too can get positive supports to carry on and to make positive choices I understand alcohol is coping skill for some but it harms more then it does good. hugs
     
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