The only person that knows I'm struggling is my ex, and he said that if I felt like I was going to kill myself I should call him, so I did last night, but he didn't answer or call back. I made it through the night and thought today was going better, but now I'm feeling as bad, maybe worse. I walked outside to look at the moon, which was hard since my legs are so numb, but I couldn't find it. I thought maybe it was hidden behind the train depot which is across the street so I walked over to the tracks. I didn't have any plans but as I stood there I thought how badly I wanted my life to end. I looked down the tracks and saw the lights of a train stopped about a block away. I think I'm more scared of trying and failing than dying. I don't want to end up in the hospital or have to face my parents. Does anyone else feel so much worse the later it gets? Anyone have any suggestions on how to make it through the nights? I'd appreciate any advice.