Almost...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gjmajour, Mar 4, 2012.

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  1. gjmajour

    gjmajour Member

    This past week has certainly been the hardest. My family and my girlfriend are all mad at me. I getting all the hate from every direction. I have done nothing to provoke this. I feel as if they just turned their backs on me. I feel like an unwanted waste of life. I haven't had a good nights rest in nearly a week. The total amount of sleep I have had was around 10 hours. First my family believes that I shouldn't waste my time with my girlfriend because she deserves better than a loser like me. I have to live with these people and I have no where else to go. Not just my parents but my own brother, cousins, aunts, uncles are all in on it. What did I do to get this from them? I have no idea. Second, my girlfriend who I love very much, she decided that she couldn't be with a person with no life. I feel that way, like I have no life. She hates me to a point that she cheated on me. She deliberately did this. After I told her that she was the only one I have left in this life. Now I don't know what to do anymore. I was drinking and crying. The pain is too much for me and I don't know if I have the strength to stop myself. My gun is loaded and there is one in the chamber. I placed that gun right at my heart. I wanted to pull the trigger. I desperately wanted to pull. I could not because I was scared. I was scared because I was afraid of having my family and all of their hate crush my girlfriend's spirit. However, she did apologize that she did it and I can't seem to find it in me to forgive her. I was fucked over so many times like this. My time is shorter now, and I don't know what to do anymore. As I said before, I don't know if I have the strength to stop myself again. I just don't know anymore. No one in my family cares for me. Every one seems to stab me in the back. Every one seems to have this hatred for me. Why should I live anymore? Why should I hang on? Who is gonna stop me from pulling that trigger? I had hope for myself when my girlfriend was happy with me. Now my hope is gone. I'm a shadow of my former self who has been broken, beaten, battered, and crushed. God help me please...
     
  2. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    Hey Gjmajour. Twice in my life I've put a loaded gun to my head and wanted to pull the trigger, more times I've just sat there dry firing into my head over and over wishing it was loaded, so I know how it feels to be at that point and I'm glad you didn't pull the trigger. Whatever you tell yourself why, it's because you want to live even if just a little and that's a good sign. I want you to know that no one hates someone else completely and utterly for no reason at all, it just doesn't happen, especially with family. You might of done something to frustrate or anger them, and they may not like you, but they don't hate you - unless you murdered their dog or something.

    When you're young and quick to come to conclusions about everything and everyone it's easy to mistake the slightest hint of anger or irritation as hatred when in fact it takes a lot of very strong, mixed, negative emotions over a long period of time to result in real hatred for someone. It doesn't just happen overnight, for no reason at all. So before you decide they really do hate you take some time to honestly and sincerely examine your families thoughts and feelings and try to understand them. Odds are it's not what you think and it's something you can help. It's a lot easier to fix not being liked than being hated since they are two different things. I know it's much easier said than done and it's something you have to work at and it takes a lot of guts to open up a conversation about family issues, but just try to open up a line of communication to anyone, anyway you can and see if there's a way to fix things. You don't have to do it today, or tomorrow, or try to make nice with the whole family, and things aren't going to get better right away but the point is to figure out what's really going on and taking the steps towards improving your relationships even if it's just with one person.

    Second, I'm going to give you some girl advice. A real relationship between two people can only be established when they give and receive equal amounts of emotional support, intellectually and physically. When you tell her she's the only one you have left in your life, it's putting too much weight on her shoulders to be the one and only person holding you up, and makes you look needy. Women don't like overly dependent men who absolutely need them or else; lopsided relationships like that don't last very long. It's okay to ask for emotional support from her, but she probably feels like she's giving a lot and receiving nothing in return and that's what could be driving her away. You have to give a little, take a little, back and forth and in that order for it to work. I hope that makes sense. It could always be something else, but that's my 2 cents.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2012
  3. Estrellitta

    Estrellitta New Member

    hello :)
    I dont walk in your shoes, all I know is that life can be dam hard if you have to go threw all alone. If you need someone to talk to.. here i am. Sometimes it may help to clear the thoughts or find a bit courage to keep going. Dont think that no ones care for you.. i do even if i dont know you. hard times end and there can be a light at the end of the tunnel just keep going a bit longer. And no one is a waste of life. So please befor you think on giving up, befor you let them win.. talk to me
     
  4. gjmajour

    gjmajour Member

    Please help...i'm at the edge...i don't know if i can stop
     
  5. gjmajour

    gjmajour Member

    Just too hard to stop...the hammer is cocked and ready....letters are ready....only thing stopping me is something or someone
     
  6. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    :hug: Keep being strong hun. We are listening xx
     
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