I'm having a very hard time right now. Have been for a few months now, but these past couple of weeks are really bad. My entire support system has failed me and I feel so alone and abandoned. I have 7 days to go until I see my therapist again. I haven't seen her since Jan. 19th and haven't been in the group I'm in that she runs since Jan 21st. The first week I was out of state visiting a friend and the day I got back home, my therapist went out of town, so group (that I would have been able to go to) was canceled. She was supposed to be back at work today, but now she'll be gone the whole week. So both my individual session with her plus the group have both been canceled for this week. I'm very scared that with the luck I've been having lately that she'll be gone even longer. 7 days feels like an eternity from now. I'm seriously having trouble trying to find things to distract myself and occupy my time. Nothing appeals to me right now. I've thought about seeing one of her backup therapists that are in place for when she's gone and a client of hers is in crisis, which I am. But what good would it do? It won't ease this pain and I don't feel important enough to justify them squeezing me into their already tight schedules. Besides, I'm afraid they'll just say "Well, if you're having such a hard time that you need to come in to see one of us, then you need to be in the hospital". I don't want to go to the hospital. I'm not suicidal. I've got major self injury urges, but I'm not actually suicidal. I'm just very very VERY uncomfortable and miserable. So what good could they actually do for me? *sigh* I don't know what to say anymore. Nothing seems to help, other than talking with MY therapist. No one else. She's the only one who gets me. Who knows the whole story. The only one I trust. I guess I'll go write in my journal. Maybe that will help. Either that or find some other distraction.