I'm not on a ledge right now or anything, and I don't intend to over dramatize the situation, but I know this doesn't end well. I have no money job or car. The last thing I bought was a loaf of bread with nickles. Those were the last of my nickles too. I'm about to spend thanksgiving alone in my apartment, probably eating pasta and butter. I'm also not going to be able to pay rent for December, so I'll be lucky to even have a place to live 2 weeks from now. I don't have a single friend in the world. I've burned all my bridges. My life has been 1 big self inflicted wound. I have sabotaged absolutely everything. My phone calls to my mom telling her I need help don't work, because she's still mad and bitter, and rightly so, about all the crap I've put her through. My father killed himself. His father killed himself. I've had countless suicidal thoughts over the years, but I've never come close to acting on them. But in the back of my mind, I've always known that's how it is destined to end. It's just a matter of when. And I don't know how else this present situation will end.