I have been lurking on this website for a while and reading the many posts that are posted here in search of some advice or help of a situation that might be posted that is similar to mine. I am 23 year old male trying so hard to hold on to something even anything to make it through the day. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember and have had anxiety also with situations that are not comfortable to me worrying so much that it has made me ill. In a situation that are not comforting I have felt and have thought of the very worst that can occur as a possible outcome. I am almost finishing school and have a job in the field that I am studying which is computers. I used to have such a passion in listening to music and watching movies on my free time but as of late that doesn't even seem to have an interest for me. During the day when I am not at work, I am usually on the computer or laying in bed and watching movie(because I have no energy to do anything else). I am alone and haven't had friends in a while, I do have acquaintances like everyone else has but that's about it. Most of the time when I am in my room, I feel alone and unloved. My relationship with my parents has not been good and we have had arguments and I don't think they understand completely on how I feel. I have tried to explain to them about how depressed I am, that I'm not happy and I can honestly say that I don't remember the last time I have really laughed and was in a good mood and had the pleasure of going out and enjoying and having a good time. I am really lost on what I should do, I have had suicidal thoughts for a couple of years that there hasn't been a day that I can remember not thinking about how I want it to end and of suicide. The motivation that was once there a 10 years ago isn't there and the excitement for activities that I once enjoyed has left as well. Now everything just seems to be a pain and a total blur.