Alone and hopeless

[MsShad]

Hello. Have you ever felt like no matter what you do or say it is the wrong thing? That would be me. I am not sure what I have done so wrong in my life that I am not accepted anywhere. I am married and I have 3 kids, but I feel as though I have failed them as a mother and wife. I do have suicidal tendencies and have even tried before. 99% of the time I can hide my sadness by plastering a smile on my face and trying to make people smile. I would offer the shirt off my back if someone needed more then me. If someone needed help I would be there. I just feel that my family would be better off without me. Everything I have tried to do doesn't work. I think and dream every night about dying, both by my hand and by someone else's hand.

 

[JmpMster]

I am sorry you are in such a sad dark place personally now after being so kind and giving to others. It is hard to see fairness in that and it makes it even harder to find a way to a better place ourselves. I will say I believe it is far more likely a case of perception that you feel like you are saying and doing the wrong thing than that others think that. Have you been treated for depression? Are you taking meds or therapy or with your history are you trying to just go it alone and do it by yourself to get out of the low places? I ask because it really sounds like you deserve a little help with this one and to find some happiness for yourself.

 

[total eclipse]

Hi MsShad i do hope you have reached out to your doctor As said you deserve kindness and care some peace inside. With right treatment therapy you can get rid of some of the darkness you feel Your family i can truly tell you would not be better off hun without you so please do what it takes to get you some supports in place hugs

 

[Petal]

Hi and welcome, I am sorry you are feeling so much pain and mental suffering, keep talking about it. You may be surprised by how much talking can help you cope and heal, I think though that you could reach out to your doctor and maybe they can put a plan in place for you!