alone and hurting more each day

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by White Dove, Jun 30, 2007.

  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i have asked myself this simple question a thousand times why?

    Why did you do this to me?

    Why did you hurt me so much?

    Do you not have a care at all? Not a heart ? Not a loving spirit or soul?

    Have you ever stop to think what you did to me?

    Did it ever accure to you that to pretend that you love me but show otherwise that was not true would hurt me?

    God i am so hurt by you and you caused me to have this much pain because i trusted you. i trusted in you. i trusted you to be there when i needed you the most. but where are you at now? you never cared at all for me did you? You have no idea that saying you both loved me then just walking out of my life has done to me do you? You have no idea do you? you cant feel beyond your own self into my heart. you are senseless cold and very heartless. you cant see because you are blinded by your own self.

    Many nights , many nights like tonight have i cried out to the lord because of the pain i endure because of the pain you inflicted upon me. Why could you not forgive me? Why could you not love me the way i loved you both? Do you get some kind of kick out of knocking me down? do you enjoy knowing i have pain because of you or are you that much in love with yourself to even be able to feel my pain?

    yes i let it out almost every night cause in a way it helps me to put my feelings , my true deep feelings out there and to put the force of this pain out there. im mad at myself for trusting in you. im mad at myself for believing you when you told me that you both loved me. IT WAS A LIE. IT WAS A LIE AND I WAS SO STUPID TO BELIEVE IT. I WAS STUPID.

    you never loved me. God why did i trust in them so much. You go on with your life never thinking about me at all. you hurt me YOU HURT ME DEEPLY AND IT STILL HURTS AND EACH NIGHT I CRY BECAUSE OF IT. you go on and think of it as wanting attention. you go on and think of it as you normaly would with your coldness and heartless heart of yours. You go on and think this pain i am in is unreal.

    let me tell you it is not unreal but it is a very real hurting pain that i am enduring because of you. people on this forum know the pain is real. they feel it like me. Every time i hurt God cries. he feels my pain. he feels my hurt. i want you to feel this pain i am in. i want you to know this pain. i want you to feel it. look past your cold heartless heart and into mine. look deep cause these words i speak are deep. they are from my heart. this site is deeply spoken and the words very real. this is no make believe forum.

    I hate you. i hate what you did to me. you dont love mr dalton. how could you? how could you love like that? you and your wife meant the world to me. you said you loved me? YOU LIED YOU = FLAT OUT LIED WHEN YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME. YOU DONT LOVE SOMEONE THEN WALK COMPLETLY OUT OF THEIR LIFE LIKE YOU DID. THAT IS NOT LOVE AT ALL. ANYONE CAN SEE THAT. you may never see these words and just like my friend bud leaf said if you did it would tear at your heart, well i want it to tear at your heart. i want you to see and feel my pain. i hope you dont read these words uintil i have passed. i want you to see me in that casket. i want you to know why i did it. i want you and elaine to know my pain. my true pain. the pain you claim is not real.

    i want those that hurt me online emotionally. those that put icon to make fun of me, those that said things that hurt me to know they played a part in my death. i want them to feel my pain. my deep pain. i want them all to see just what they did to me. they can not understand it but i want them to know this pain is real. i hate you. i hate all that have hurt me.

    God knows the pain that has been inflicted upon me. God sees my hurt. he sees my pain. he knows that is not his love that has been shown. God knows i could just scream right now. you had no right to inflict this pain upon me , no right at all. Maybe my friend bud leaf is right. God inflicted me with this cancer that is spread so far so fast in a little time to take me away from all the hurt that you and others put upon my already hurting heart. and perhaps you will read this before i go then try and come around when you find out i am dying with cancer , well let me tell you to back off. i do not want your so called pretend love. not now. you couldnt love me when you thought i was okay then i do not want your love now that i am dying inside. so stay the hell away from me. let me die my way. you can take all your pretend love and shove it..... Yes i said shove it cause i am angry. very angry at you and everyone else who says you love me then show otherwise that it was nothing but a lie so shove it... i want no pretyend love from you now.... God will not accept imatation and neither do i.....