Alone and unhappy thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NeedingHelp1, Dec 26, 2007.

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  1. NeedingHelp1

    NeedingHelp1 New Member

    Right so here goes this maybe pretty boring but i need to talk about it to sum1 rather than parents.

    So am 17 and live in the uk. Ive been bullied since i first ever started school and it got worse going through each year until i reached secondary school things seemed 2 quiet n down and i was bullied as much i had a few friends etc but then as i got older my friends started drinking alot smoking and drugs and i wasnt up for that i went to partys and things had and okay scoail life n i had strict parents so i wasnt allowed to do most things my friends did stay out late etc soo i got glued to my computer and ive been glued 2 it ever since i got into about in 2 yr 10 n 11 n ma socail lyf went downhill my best friends from primary school stated leavin me out as they didnt really like sum of the ppl i spoke 2 at skool n were more intrested in drinking in school n things. By the end ov yr 10 i didnt realy have any friends what so ever i few but the didnt live in the town i did so it was hard to get to them. My 2 best friends didnt rarely talk to me any more 1 would rather use me as a friend if noones else would go with her and the over turned in2 a drug addict n hung out with other drug addictics not that i have a problem with drug addicts but it turned her nasty so by yr 11 i rarely had anyfriends the 1 gd friend i had was having family problems so she neva turned up 4 skool much but when she was at skool we talked alot n had alot ov lessons together. 1 of my ex best friends deicded 2 ask me 2 hang rund with her 4 a few days so i did buy in the back of my head i new that she was going to use me just because had fallen out with her othrt friend 2days later we were still hanging round 2getha n then she asked me to go to the shops with her so i did only 2 find out that it was because she wanted someone to meet her b/f so she left me at the shops n got in his car n left me 2 walk ome thats when i stopped hanging out wiv her n den by the times GCSE's came up she asked to walk wiv me 2 a test n i decided 2 tell er that i new she was just using me bt den she cum up with sum lame excuse so after school i did oki in my exams i got into a college but decided not to go as i was unsure if i wud fit in with others i lost my confidence in my self so i did nothing for a year and was unhappy with my life then i decided to go get onto a course i got onto 1 n it wasnt wot ie xpected luckly enuf i was oki their due 2 a old friend went der i settled in n most of them were lads but no1 tuk the mik out of u or nething even tho i was the quietest 1 i was onli their 4 2months when they had found me a job so i was pretty pleased that i had finally got a job i got tuk on part-time and then i was told i could have a full time job i was glad at the time but now am getting a little fed up of working there i work at some dog kennels not perfect job but needed to start sumwerr with no qualifications newai i was enjyin my self n den it went downhill i went bk 2 having no friends and no social life am stuk in my job 6 dais a week n then i come home n just sit on my computer or go 2 sleep or do nothing. A got bk intouch with my friend from school n i hung out with her a cuple of dais unfortuntly she got kiked out ov her new aprtment n disappered like neerly 2 hrs away frm wear i live n i havent heard nemore news from her. So thers the story so far cut shorts l8ly ive bin asked my mum am i happy with my life n my reply is no am not n she asks y but i cant seem to tell her n ive fort ov sucide lately 2 bt ive neva brought ma self 2 do nething i exactly live with my parents for eva n i all i seem 2 l8ly is cry n bingeat n think of suidal thoughts i just feel alone with out neone 2 tlk 2. i dont have a single person 2 talk 2 aprt frm family witch i find hard 2 tlk 2 bout problems i no i aint exactly the prettyiest thing in the world n i dnt think i was ever ment to be popular or with any person 4 eva.

    I dnt think most of the story makes sense but all i no is that am alone in socail isolated due to having no friends wot so eva and uncomfy with the way i appear when people see me out and geneally have no confidence in my self wot so ever no matter wot i do

    So there u go i no its boring bt typin it all out well most ov it seems better than explaining it to family:sad::unsure:
  2. sugar&spice

    sugar&spice Guest

    i no exactly wot u goin thro - ive been there im stil there n im neva gonna get out of it = c im bit lucky as im in colege but i onli have 2 friends hoo r always jealous of me as im lesbian there lesbian n there r goin out n imon ma own so they think that im after them (lyk each other think that)... to top it off i work minimum hrs of 36 hrs a wek even tho im on colege i work i chippy - even tho i get paid shit money n it goes 2 ma dad - as ma dad has a gamblin addiction (he used 2 drink but not anymore) n if i dont giv him enough money i get beat up :mad: - so ma life is pretty shit especially ma socsail life as i dont no how 2 b the real me so....

    all im sayin is shit hapens 2 sum of us n sum of us can deal wid it n others csnt - i lyk it how u ccan talk to ur mum i kinda can but most of the time she ignore me or jus tel me 2 shut up or somethin - i dno hoo else to turn to dat y im on this forum 2 get help n some responses

    ma freinds always use me for fags money m bev - even tho im onli 17 i cant by any of it (i get fags of parents - obvisouly i have 2 pay) n ive even bean beaten up seversl times at skl n in town jus 4 not givin any fags out...

    ... i also no wot bulyin does ive always been bullied since yr 3 as i had a stutter n i was mute until bout 7/8 yrs old ... n 'freinds' used to set me up 2 get beat up by other 'friends' n it hurt me more as they had used me.... some of ma friends stuck up 4 me n at skl onli had bout 5 TRUE friends ...
    buling is really hard to deal with but it wil always go on - i now laugh at most of the ullies life (obvisouly not 2 them or anyone else) coz most of the bullies r lyk in jail or havin a really crap job when im goin 2 uni soon! so it can b beter.. u jus gotta try n find the ryt friends n u no wen u have found them i no i have...................

    take care x
  3. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    I'll probably get slated for saying this, and I know you're young .. but .. please could you try and type properly rather than using text typing, which is very off putting for a number of people .. trust me it will probably help.

    One day hopefully schools will actually wake up and admit they might have a problem with bullies. I hope you can make some friends here. Don't give up and don't let the bastards win!
  4. NeedingHelp1

    NeedingHelp1 New Member

    not that im being funny here but i didnt want a reply off someone who aint happy about the way i type and how is it off putting most teengers etc do txt typin so it aint just me
  5. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I agree the post wasn't very diplomatic
  6. NeedingHelp1

    NeedingHelp1 New Member

    i no wot u mean but unfortuntly i aint seen much of my friends well old friends due to am isolated at work 24/7 n i mean 24/7 i think my boss has started taking me for a ride thinking ill do everything to up there n spend most the time at work we have another 2 workers but they dnt cum to work until the weekend but 1 of them rarely shows up so am left to pik it all up again it is a crap job and i dnt even get paid minium wage. i used 2 have 5 tru friends until they just deicded 2 leave me out n jst use n stuff bt nout i can do now newai il probs eventully get in bk contact wiv sum off them not that am opeful of that but always can try

    cya x
  7. ward

    ward Member

    trust me, I know what you're going thro.
    also trust me when I say these feelings won't last. It must be a hard time but eventually it will get better when you fight your way through this.

    don't let yourself get pushed around by bullies and when you are mature you'll even find a better job.
    I'm also 17 years old, I hate my job too but I always managed to get through by thinking that I won't be doing this forever, I won't be living like this forever and it will get better. try to think things over in a positive way.
  8. srnityblu

    srnityblu Well-Known Member

    Hello, It sounds like you are stuck in a rut, have you perhaps tried to discover a hobby that you like? Your life isn't just about going to work, coming home, to the computer and going to bed.

    It is hard but you have to make the leap to go out and make friends, they do not come to you, and the hopes and dreams and desires you wish for your life, are not going to magically appear at your door. " Knock knock knock, we have arrived." No please do not take this the wrong way, I am not slamming you or begrudging you. I understand how you must feel, it is very hard to step out of your comfort zone and risk rejection. People are going to like you or they won't. In all honesty would you want a friend who liked you because they desperately needed companionship, or would you want to have them as a friend based on eachother's attributes.

    Meeting friends on line is 'safe" because no one is judging you on the way you look, or your manerisms, your speech for insance meshes in with the crowd. It's unfortunate but most of us find our self worth in how others percieve us, but honestly, the more outgoing and SECURE in yourself you are, the more attractive you become. You know that saying, like attracts like. or you become what you hang around? It is so very true!

    You are an interesting individual, and you have alot to offer, truly. Your friends will always come and go, but you remain, you change and grow. Never stop learning, and striving to be the best you can be. Not to prove anything to others, but yourself.
    Are there co-workers you can invite out to lunch with you? or a quick coffee? Something to break the ice? Join a book club? ( Yeah a book club, find out what genre intrests you and you can discover amazing friend hiding behind the pages of a sci fi novel) Take an art class, sign up for a volunteer position. Anything to take you away from the doldrums of your room.

    What I have found in this generation, your generation, that mentors are few and far between. Long gone are the days of looking up to anyone that's in the starlite, let alone anyone in the public eye such as schools. It is unfortunate, and I truly am sorry that you feel so isolated and alone.

    you can have a fufilling life without an entourage around you. You just have to discover what you want out of life, and try to figure out ways to achieve it. You do not need people around you to tell you how worthy you are, that comes from within.

    You sound like a very caring and sensitive to other people's need kinda person. That's a rareity these days. treasure it. It's something you perhaps could make a career out of. ( Consider volunteering for the boys and girls club? You may find satisfaction out of being someone else's mentor)
  9. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    it's up to you of course, I ain't forcing you to do anything, but I'm just saying it might put one or two people off answering. I've rarely seen text typing on this forum where a lot of members are teenagers (or early twenties), so I'm not sure if most teenagers do it - and this post you made which I'm quoting here is fine by the way. Take care of yourself.
  10. taranama

    taranama Well-Known Member

    hey sweetie :hug:

    i'm just like to start by saying that i know exactly what you are going through, i went through the exact same thing, and although i'm not much older than you, i can tell you its all just part of growing up.

    when i was 17 i was doing my A levels, and the summer after that i tried to kill myself (..didn't work, obviously...) because the 3 people i thought i could count on to be my friends thought i was weird and the music i liked was completely unacceptable, (korn, slipknot) then i got branded a satanist and in all my classes (i did 6 A levels..) i was completely segregated.. but then i went to uni, and everything changed, i met the nicest people there, who i fit in with completely and i trust and love unconditionally, but i know that this is just another phase, i'll probably stay in permanent contact with one, but with alot of effort on both our parts, out of 8 of my closest friends. its just the way of life, and when i'm finished with uni, i'll find a whole heap of new friends who i'll trust and love unconditionally.

    finding a hobby in life is important too, i currently have 2, drawing and playing the guitar, it might not seem like a major thing, but doing something you're good at is a major boost to your ego ;)

    also, the best piece of advise i've ever recieved in my life was that you mentally attract what ever you want in you are constantly thinking "oh, the only friends i'll ever have in life will be complete t**ts.." thats exactly what you'll get, but if you have the mentality of "the next friend i'm going to make will be exactly what i need, and who i need in my life right now" thats exactly what you'll attract to yourself.

    i hope this makes sense to you darling :dry:

    take care
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