I don't really know where to begin. The beginning is always a good place, but where did it all really start? This will be my first post on this forum, and... It's kind of daunting, but at the same time, comforting, knowing there are others who may feel similar to me or have gone through similar situations. I am a manic depressive. Only recently diagnosed (as of 6 months ago), but have suffered from it for as long as I can remember. I was never very happy as a child: my mother left me in the care of my grandmother because of how young she was (18 when she had me), and due to her being a manic depressive as well and incapable of caring for a child (or so she told me the last time I spoke to her, 6 years ago). I grew extremely depressed around the age of 10, had constant suicidal thoughts at the age of 11, and proceeded with my first suicide attempt at 12. I've never had many friends, ever, so at the time, the only people who would have cared would be my parents, but I was so lost in my own head that I only felt I was a burden to them: between custody battles and severe culture shock from moving from the west coast to the midwest, coping with an eating disorder, and dealing with the depression. I didn't feel there was anything else for me, and I didn't want to bother any one with my problems any longer. I guess, right now, I am dealing with a particularly nasty bought of depression, losing my will to keep going, finding very little enjoyable, and overall feeling neglected and abandoned by the few people around me. It's all very silly when I look at it, it's all little things that are building up, and I know I can deal with it, I have over the years, but I'm sure most of you can understand how overwhelming it can all seem when you're down, even though 'down' can't begin to describe how terrible it all feels. But how can you describe it without making a post longer than it already is? A few days ago, I got into a fight with my best friend, the only person aside from my parents who came to visit me when I was in the hospital a a year and a half ago, who would send me messages asking me how I was, who would try and do what she could to help me feel better. She's still in highschool and works, but the argument started because I kept sending her messages, asking why she wasn't talking to me. It boiled down to me bothering her, and being annoying. She said I made her anxious when I texted her so much (a text or so every hour if she hadn't said anything, asking if it was because she was busy or some such.) Since then, I've hardly heard from her or any one else. I can understand me seeming over baring, but when I tried to explain it to her, it was like I was crazy because she didn't understand my need to talk to people when I am horribly depressed. It hurts being this alone. Am I actually this alone? Is no one out there who can talk to me or put up with me? Am I so obnoxious? The past week or so, my suicidal thoughts have been coming back, and with this... It hurts.