I could write a novel, but I will just start with the basics. I suffer from dependent personality disorder. It has made me stay in bad relationships, and run to new ones quickly. I married someone despite red flags, and had two kids with her. She left me emotionally empty. Despite my trying to get her to meet my emotional needs, she said I was too needy. Long story short, I ended up in a long-term affair with a coworker. My wife found out. Marital house has been sold, cash is gone, lawyers eating up everything, I am not even getting overnights with my kids, I am back in a rental unit I bought with my first wife (more memories and nightmares here than I can face). I wake up everyday to a "nightmare" in that it all "rushes in". She has said there is zero (zilch, nada) chance of recovery. 5 months has passed, she is seeing someone (or at least inferring she is). I don't know if finding a new relationship will get me back to "happy", and I would rather work on my core issues. I see a therapist, I see a Psych doc. They share an office. I have told them I wouldn't hurt myself, which is why I am here. I have to heal for my boys, the need me, my family needs me, I can't quit. But I can't stop thinking about ending the pain... The other woman keeps pursuing me, and I can't stop it since I am addicted to the validation and the emotional intimacy. Every text, chat, phone call (or whatever) leaves me feeling more hollow, more guilty, and like I have taken yet another step backwards. All day... every day... I just want this nightmare to end... I will never hold my (soon to be ex) wife again, yet I will have to see her for the rest of my life. Some other man will be co-parenting my children. I am beyond devastated.