Today I woke up with a strong <Mod Edit:Methods> I think it was the strongest urge I ever had. Alone with no one to talk to even when people around. Suffering inside and out. Nothing really heRe making it worth staying. People say you have your kids to live for. I laugh and reply they are 30% of the reason I'm ready to go. I haven't eaten in days, can't sleep as always due to never ending anxiety, always in pain both emotionally and physically. The truth is I doubt I would be missed. I wish I could talk to someone in person but I know the reality. There first recommendation is medicine. But medicine can't change what's happening in my life. I hate when people tell me things will get better hang in there blah blah blah. But whenever they say that things ALWAYS get much worse. I hate being here and see no reason to stay. Not really sure why I'm venting here. It's not like anyone really cares. I guess it's just to get it off my chest. I think today will be the day I can finally get rest. Forever is the plan as long as I'm not stupid enough to tell anyone or be near anyone when I do it just in case they get the silly idea of trying to stop me or SAVING me before the job is done.