Well I really have to write something down, otherwise I think I gonna..well.. it's so bad... I mean suicidal feelings and depression...nothing new to me. But at the moment...I am so down.... Today and the day before.. I was crying, not 24/7,but very often.I am shiffering and my stomach feels...it hurts so much... My mother always tells me that she thinks she would understand me,but once she is angry she makes fun out of my despair. I would just imagine things that ain't real, I should take it easy. I just hate her talking about it, how easy it was ,in a moment when I feel that pain will tear me apart. Very supportive huh? Sometimes I think I have to attempt suicide, just to show her how I feel.I don't think she would ever understand me. I am so alone. Psychologists, won't help me. It never worked out. More and more I get this feeling that I cannot live up to this anymore. Where is my strength?! They say to give up is no solution. I hate myself for the reason that I just cannot end it all, alltough I think of it everyday.I always wish that a car would hit me... I see no light, my only hope is that once I'll pass away, I will find a place, somewhere, where I can live in a way, that was never allowed to me on Earth. Maybe, it sounds very depressed, but at the moment I am so down, I cannot think of something else.