alone in the world

[moogkitz]

Hi all. I've been a user here for years but it seems I always come back around the same time each year to vent. I think I might suffer from SAD but who knows. I.haven't seen a therapist in years unfortunately. Ever since my father passed away almost two years ago when I was 17 I can't afford to take care of myself, my family has been struggling since his death... I miss my father so much. Even though he died in a car wreck I think he lost the will to live, but that's another story for another time. Anyway, right now... I.just want to die. I have so many problems I don't know where to begin... I'm pregnant, unemployed, no friends, a bf who would rather get drunk every night with his friends than spend time with me and is emotionally distant... financial issues out the ass. I just can't deal with it all. I have no one to turn to. Even earlier my mom was talking about driving her car off a cliff because she has so many problems. I would never say it, but I'm right there with her. I don't know how I'm going to make it. I hope I do but it's getting tough...

This has been too long so I'm going to end it here. Thanks for taking the time to read through all that crap.

 

[demuredawn]

hi moogkitz,

welcome back! first of all, i for one don't care how long your post is... so long as it gets across what you need to get out, and it helps you a bit... i will read it to try to see if i can help. secondly, maybe it is SAD you have as you said.... then again, maybe this time of year is hard for you for other reasons.... anniversary dates, or the holiday seasons? either way, there is no shame in it. i have been suffering depression 27 yrs and though it is there constantly, the worst times of year for me are the winter and may/june. not sure myself why the winter months, but may/june has to do with anniversary dates and such. next... i know what it is to be pregnant and alone without the money you need to take care of your baby. i went through that when i was 17, unfortunately, i felt forced into giving my child up for adoption and that decision torments me everyday of my life since, and i'm now 39. if you want to vent some of the frustrations, fears, concerns, anger, sadness, etc you may have over any of this... i'd be interested in listening and helping if/where i can. i think you are a strong person and if you put that strength to use, you can overcome these feelings of suicide. i know its hard trust me, and i know you don't feel strong at the moment. that's fine... just know that your child is counting on to survive, even now. not only that.. but that you make a difference in this world.. we all do, everytime we interact with someone or talk to someone or pass by someone or someone crosses our path... we make a small impact, and that impact causes a small change... which has a ripple effect. this world needs change, and a lot of it.... if you go away, those changes never happen. do you want your child to be stuck living in a world this cruel? i am almost always on chat and check these forums semi-regular.. look me up, talk to me sometime if you like. i hope all the best for you and those you care about and those that care about you. take care and be safe.

 

[flowers]

moogkitz, I am so very sorry to hear how things are this painful for you. I am sorry your dad passed away. Sorry for the financial situation you are in. And sorry that you have a boyfriend who is so very inattentive.

I have an idea. I am not sure if its something that would interest you. But I can personally attest to the fact that it did help me. Since your baby's father has a drinking problem, what would you think of going to al-anon. It is free. There is a huge amount of support there. And it is a program designed to people can heal from their own pain. Of course I am not talking about grief itself. My mom was an alcoholic. So I qualified. Even though I had not been living with her for years.

I do not know if this is something you would be interested in. But I wanted to mention that this can be a great means for irl support. I am very glad you are posting here. It is also a great way to get support. I hope you will keep doing that. :hug:

 

[moogkitz]

moogkitz, I am so very sorry to hear how things are this painful for you. I am sorry your dad passed away. Sorry for the financial situation you are in. And sorry that you have a boyfriend who is so very inattentive.

I have an idea. I am not sure if its something that would interest you. But I can personally attest to the fact that it did help me. Since your baby's father has a drinking problem, what would you think of going to al-anon. It is free. There is a huge amount of support there. And it is a program designed to people can heal from their own pain. Of course I am not talking about grief itself. My mom was an alcoholic. So I qualified. Even though I had not been living with her for years.

I do not know if this is something you would be interested in. But I wanted to mention that this can be a great means for irl support. I am very glad you are posting here. It is also a great way to get support. I hope you will keep doing that. :hug:

Thank you flowers, that is a good suggestion however I have no transportation, only my boyfriend so it would be strange for him to take me to al-anon meetings... that I would be going to because of him... I appreciate it though. I have a doctor's appointment on friday so I think I wll talk to my doctor about how I'm feeling and hopefully she'll be kind enough to refer me to someone I can talk to. Like i said I havent seen a therapist in years and I think I need it now.

 

[flowers]

thats a great idea. So glad that you are seeing a therapist Often if someone can get themselves to one al-anon meeting, they can tell people they do not have a ride and ask if there is anyone who drives near where they live. If often times works. Often people who go to alanon meetings are wanting to help others in any way they can. I do not know how you could get to and from the first meeting though. once there you might even be able to get a ride home It really can be solid support system. If it is not possible then there is another answer. Its going to work out. AND you have us !!!