Alone now and hurting again..

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by jimk, Oct 16, 2011.

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  1. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    this my 2nd attempt at a poem.. be nice i am a novice..LOL

    It is October 16th Sunday morning 2011
    Just after midnight
    Son johnny with mom tonight
    I am alone again now

    Alone has been mine for most of my 65 years
    Early years for me were not safe
    Dissociated just to survive then
    Those that should have loved did the opposite

    Got out of there at 17
    Broken, scared and weary
    Needing help but on my own always
    Want some help but not able to ask

    Met 4 girls and they were with me all the time..
    5 of us in a volkswagon bug.
    My friends but still not able to open up
    Together but was still on my own

    An education and on to boeing
    SST plane scraped
    Lots of us unemployed then
    This was scary

    Went crazy and two month stay in county mental ward
    Released to a supported living stay
    Katie the owner’s daughter and I met
    Kind of in love

    Married soon
    Along came son johnny
    Katie, me and johnny not whole
    Damaged goods always

    Johnny and I alone and hid from the world for 12 yrs
    Katie did 38 psychiatric hospitalizations and hurting terribly also
    I did strong again for all of us

    Shrink helped me apply for SSA disability
    Dissociated at first interview with the government
    Enuf for them. Approved..LOL
    Autistic john approved for disability also..

    Things better not being broke now
    Katie John and I got some good psych help
    Lord knows we needed it!!!
    Things that had gone unsaid were said to professionals

    All three of us going to survive no matter what
    That is good but still hurt terribly often
    John and I hug each day
    That keeps me goin’

    But we all still live in our own pain
    The past is the past but still comes a knocking sometimes
    All three of us are not able to cry
    Detached from life and just crawling along

    Oh how would it ever feel to be held gently but tightly and have someone kind say
    “ I love you so very much now and will never stop this”
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu are a fighter hun and i know how it feels to be all alone even with loved ones around us I am happy you have Johnie hun someone who loves you now unconditionally Hugs to you Jim :hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
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