Alone now and hurting again..

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Staff Alumni
this my 2nd attempt at a poem.. be nice i am a novice..LOL

It is October 16th Sunday morning 2011
Just after midnight
Son johnny with mom tonight
I am alone again now

Alone has been mine for most of my 65 years
Early years for me were not safe
Dissociated just to survive then
Those that should have loved did the opposite

Got out of there at 17
Broken, scared and weary
Needing help but on my own always
Want some help but not able to ask

Met 4 girls and they were with me all the time..
5 of us in a volkswagon bug.
My friends but still not able to open up
Together but was still on my own

An education and on to boeing
SST plane scraped
Lots of us unemployed then
This was scary

Went crazy and two month stay in county mental ward
Released to a supported living stay
Katie the owner’s daughter and I met
Kind of in love

Married soon
Along came son johnny
Katie, me and johnny not whole
Damaged goods always

Johnny and I alone and hid from the world for 12 yrs
Katie did 38 psychiatric hospitalizations and hurting terribly also
I did strong again for all of us

Shrink helped me apply for SSA disability
Dissociated at first interview with the government
Enuf for them. Approved..LOL
Autistic john approved for disability also..

Things better not being broke now
Katie John and I got some good psych help
Lord knows we needed it!!!
Things that had gone unsaid were said to professionals

All three of us going to survive no matter what
That is good but still hurt terribly often
John and I hug each day
That keeps me goin’

But we all still live in our own pain
The past is the past but still comes a knocking sometimes
All three of us are not able to cry
Detached from life and just crawling along

Oh how would it ever feel to be held gently but tightly and have someone kind say
“ I love you so very much now and will never stop this”

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
YOu are a fighter hun and i know how it feels to be all alone even with loved ones around us I am happy you have Johnie hun someone who loves you now unconditionally Hugs to you Jim :hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
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