• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

Alone old sad

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#1
Is it so much to need human contact? My son, 44, has been with me since the lock down began here in San Francisco. He was moving to SF and wanted to stay with me until he could save enough to get a place (everything is expensive here). When the pandemic hit I was grateful to have someone around altho he works all day. He said in the beginning that it would have been hard for him to be alone in an apartment with everything shut down. Now all he does is complain about being here and avoid me like a sullen adolescent. My heart is broken in a million pieces. Why is it wrong at my age when I am alone to want someone to act as if they cared?
 
#4
You feelings are legit. So are his, and many guys have a hard time expressing them. He is going thru stuff, too. Try to figure out his love language, and show him love that way...there is nothing like a mother's love. Be attentive for small responses from him. Be cautious that you are not nagging, begging or belittling. Hang in there, and know that you are worthy and your feelings are valid.
 
#6
It's ok to feel worn...try to think of what perks YOU up-->fresh flowers, a brisk walk? call an old friend or family member. Indulge in a nice meal, or an engrossing movie or book. Sleep. Make a new acquaintance. Take care of yourself, until he comes around. He will always be your child, after all. Best wishes.
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Don't fear mistakes. There are none." Miles Davis
#8
Maybe he feels really inadequate that he is living with his mom at 44, although a lot of adults have to live with parents in the modern world. I agree with what iris said. Give him space and do nice things for YOURSELF. In this pandemic things are scary but also b-o-r-i-n-g. I write fiction and my husband is a musician - these hobbies keep us sane. Anything creative is good - crafts, painting, knitting, scrapbooking, poetry, just whatever you enjoy and can do. I have one friend who colors and she has produced beautiful pictures. One other idea is to write your life story, just a summary or an entire book. I use to write an 8-10 page life story with seniors at my local independent living facility and in one case the son of a man who passed away told me he was so grateful to have it because it was the only record of his dad's childhood that he had. Anyway, just ideas. I'm sure your son is grateful to stay with you (whether he says it or not) and let him know it's nice to have him around when he's home even if he's in another room or doing something different.
 

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#9
You are lucky to have a husband. Of course my son feels strange about living here - we didn't think it would be for long. He is in a unique situation because of things I can't begin to explain. ZzI should not have posted here. But thanks.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#10
Is it so much to need human contact? My son, 44, has been with me since the lock down began here in San Francisco. He was moving to SF and wanted to stay with me until he could save enough to get a place (everything is expensive here). When the pandemic hit I was grateful to have someone around altho he works all day. He said in the beginning that it would have been hard for him to be alone in an apartment with everything shut down. Now all he does is complain about being here and avoid me like a sullen adolescent. My heart is broken in a million pieces. Why is it wrong at my age when I am alone to want someone to act as if they cared?
Sorry that your son is treating you poorly. Not making excuses for him, but he's probably not happy with his own life. I think children can be disrespectful of our feelings no matter what the age or circumstance, and it's just not right. I'm currently trying to change the dynamic between my 24 year old son's attitude because I dont like how ithe makes me feel whenever he visits.

At a certain point enough is enough. How long will he be with you? Do you have other children?
 

FFurry

SF Supporter
#11
I have no son, but I might be like your son in some sense... or not. Living with my parents is not something I could do for long. Nothing to do with them and nothing personal, but I feel I haven't fulfilled their expectations of continuing the family line and all. As such, I've almost cut off contact, since I'm of little use there. At least it feels this way to me.

Maybe just having a talk with him would work to find out what's bothering him. Not the most original of suggestions, but it might shed light on things.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$90.00
Goal
$255.00
Top