alone tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by angeljazz, Jun 21, 2012.

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  1. angeljazz

    angeljazz Member

    My boyfriend went to Harley Rendezvous for the weekend, which means I'm stuck alone in his parents' basement. I'm really afraid to go upstairs, even to eat and use the bathroom. Today I ate nothing but cereal, and I've been urinating outside. My social anxiety keeps me from going upstairs. Meanwhile, I have all this time to get suspicious about what my boyfriend is doing. I know he's drinking, and there will be a fair share of drunk girls. Part of me thinks that I would deserve anything that would happen... I'm practically driving myself crazy. I don't know his family. They don't care to get to know me. I'm basically a bird in a cage. And then I heard somewhere that anxiety is perpetuated by one's own thoughts, that we control our thoughts, and it's our own fault if we're letting anxiety run our lives. I don't want to believe that this is all my fault. I never would've chosen to live in constant fear. I'm so lonely and crazy right now that I'm afraid I'll start doing things I shouldn't do. And this is only day 1! What am I going to do tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday? I don't want to have *the thoughts.* I wish I COULD control this stuff. My thoughts are running everywhere.
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Do you have anyone who you can talk to about this, or knows how you might be feeling?
  3. angeljazz

    angeljazz Member

    I'm talking to my mom online. In a way, she makes it worse. She thinks my boyfriend should be "taking care of me" instead of out having fun. He's not my keeper. I dunno. Guess she's just old-fashioned.
  4. Drake

    Drake Well-Known Member

    shouldn´t you be talking to your BF about it ?
    instead of total strangers .. go upstairs and use the bathrooms , if they don´t want you , then they would say , but acting like this .
    Hmmm it is more the social anxiety , are you sure you are not using your BF instead of the other way around ?

    Bird in a cage is very fitting for you , cause you made a cage of your own . even if you talk to your mum online.
    You should be talking to yourself about it .
    Sorry for the harsh reply , but then again you ask for a honest opnion , or do you want to just hug oh sorry hun ...
    You just need to vent , and everything will be fine in 2 more days ?
    But that answer you already know .
  5. EisNayk

    EisNayk Well-Known Member

    well I just say go upstairs talk to his parents get to know them a little better. maybe they will not take the time to get to know you but that does not mean you can not take the time to know them. not like you have anything better to do. just let them know that you are a little nervous about talking to them and somewhat shy and apologize in advance if you say something weird or out of place.
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