My boyfriend went to Harley Rendezvous for the weekend, which means I'm stuck alone in his parents' basement. I'm really afraid to go upstairs, even to eat and use the bathroom. Today I ate nothing but cereal, and I've been urinating outside. My social anxiety keeps me from going upstairs. Meanwhile, I have all this time to get suspicious about what my boyfriend is doing. I know he's drinking, and there will be a fair share of drunk girls. Part of me thinks that I would deserve anything that would happen... I'm practically driving myself crazy. I don't know his family. They don't care to get to know me. I'm basically a bird in a cage. And then I heard somewhere that anxiety is perpetuated by one's own thoughts, that we control our thoughts, and it's our own fault if we're letting anxiety run our lives. I don't want to believe that this is all my fault. I never would've chosen to live in constant fear. I'm so lonely and crazy right now that I'm afraid I'll start doing things I shouldn't do. And this is only day 1! What am I going to do tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday? I don't want to have *the thoughts.* I wish I COULD control this stuff. My thoughts are running everywhere.