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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by normaljoe, Nov 24, 2012.

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  1. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    I feel so alone. I am empty of feelings. Numb to affection, hopeless in my future. I resent my family for what they did I hate myself. I just want some one to talk to.
    I hate this feeling. I used to write letters as a form of self therapy. And I started reading a book called prozac nation to help me cope. Her description matched my letters I wrote before I found the book. Its near perfect. Even knowing I am not the only one I still feel empty and secluded. I am paralyzed By my own hatred. I fantasize about the grip of a pistol. The feeling it has as its pressed to my head. Its hypnotic.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2012
  2. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you're going through, Joe. You are not alone. PM me if you like. We're in the same boat, friend.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You don't have to go through this alone. Here if you feel like talking, my PM box is always open.
  4. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    I thought I may take you up on Ur offer. It sucks not being able to go to Ur friends. I laugh inside when people ask whats wrong and the only response I give them is "I am tired" I guess my sleeping 12+ hours a day is strange on base.its amazing no one has asked me why I am tired or what of. Honestly if they did I don't know how I would respond. Tired of life? Tired of fear? Depression anxiety loneliness hopelessness pain.....tire id of anger maybe anger is a big one. Angry at me, my family my friends for no reason. Angry at their happiness, their love, care for their gf and eachother angry that they can experience such a wonderful thing and I am left with this. Fantasies about pistols and steel the tense emotional plee just before release. Angry that I have grown to love my depression like an intimate being. Completely vulnerable to it. Isn't that how they describe love? Being vulnerable?
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