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Alone...why do I even try relationships

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SaraRose, Oct 18, 2012.

  1. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    So- even if we were having hard times and I knew this was coming- my girlfriend broke up with me today. Worst timing considering that I'm understress with a friend leaving.

    I'm lost as to why, all she gave as a reason was "I don't think you're into me like that." When I asked how she refused to give me a real reason, instead just started point out all my faults she thought. "You don't support my writing" which I told her she never asked for help, I never didn't support it I was always looking for stuff for her. Hell who told her about half of the sites she uses for help on her stories.

    "You don't answer my FB posts," I tried to explain I'm busy I don't get a chance to read them all or reply to half of them I want. I only have like...2 hours max to look at facebook. If I replied to EVERYONE on there and read EVERY discussion that groups left I'd never get done...besides when you say "gee I'm hungry" I ain't going to reply. Sorry that seems stupid to me...

    I'm so effing mad that I feel that smart-assed side wanting to come out. I want to go and freaking LIKE each of her posts and REPLY to each one just to show her off. I want to act like an idiot and gush stupidly and pretend that each word she says is nothing but gold.

    Even now, all day I've asked her to explain why she felt the way she did. But she now refuses to answer me with any straight reason. I finally told her "I still don't understand why you feel that way. But if you think it's best then I understand."

    I don't though. And it pisses me off that she doesn't understand that she needs to communicate too.


    God I'm at the point that I think I need to give up relationships for sure. I'm not a sexual being. I don't think of sex 24/7 and I'm not the type that likes to send sexy pictures of me or sexts. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. Maybe that's why I'm going to be forever alone.

    But whatever. This is like my 4th relationship that has lasted longer then a couple dates and it has ended, though 2 years is the longest.

    Whatever. This proves I'm a looser. I always knew I was. Now I know I am. Whatever. I don't care anymore. One less person that will mourn me when I leave- once I find the courage to go through with it...
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm going through a similar situation, though not exactly the same...it's with a friend I had 7 years and really trusted, and even had feelings for him...he stopped being my friend for a stupid reason...I mean I thought his excuse was really lame. It sucks when people leave you, and it really hurts...but you can't give up because of this. I've had nothing but heartbreak and I know it might seem that you will never have a good relationship with anyone, but you don't know what the future holds. Besides, you don't want to worry over someone who doesn't even seem to appreciate you. She isn't worth another thought if she would let you go so easily, and not care about how you're feeling.
  3. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, it's horrible to loose someone you trust. :hug: I'm here for you if you ever need to talk

    And thank you so much for your words. It does hurt when people leave, even worse because she probably won't ever get to be as good as a friend as she had been before. Which part of me guesses that is a good thing, though I know it will always leave a part of me wondering...

    You're right about that. I really don't want to let her have that kind of hold on me where I am constantly thinking about her and why and what I should have done differently. I'm who I am, and if no one can ever love me for that then I'm ok with that I guess.

    It still hurts so much right now. I'm hoping tomorrow it won't. And part of me wants to be a bitch- but I keep telling myself that I'm not going to act like that- and not mail the stuff I had bought for her on the trip. But I will just because I refuse to be that horrible bitch. :/
  4. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I've been sort of following your saga on here and it didn't sound to me like you were very happy in the relationship and to be honest she sounded really self-centred, so this is probably a good thing, even though it probably doesn't feel like one. If your first reaction to a breakup is anger, then it's probably a good sign that the relationship wasn't so great to begin with.
  5. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Gloomy- Thanks. I kinda knew it wouldn't last. But still Iwas hoping it would somehow get better. Somehow how she was during the relationship was also how she was before. I guess I fell into that stupid "if she was in a relationship with me then she'd change! I know I can make her see she doesn't need to be so anti- everything," guess I'm an idiot there. I just....yeah I fell into that stupid thinking. And I ALWAYS told myself I'd never be that stupid to think like that.

    It's more I switch from anger to deep depression to anxiety and back to anger. It's a horrible cycle of emtions I just wanna stop and just go back to numb. But I can't...


    I ended up sending this message through FB to her. I hope it wasn't something wrong. It's more to tell about the hurt I am feeling from what she said to me.

    "It hurt when you used one of the reasons as saying that I don't care about your writing. Because I have always been in your corner cheering for you. I loved it when you'd make characters for me. Then you stopped and started doing it with a FB friend; stopped asking me for help but instead go to a FB friend. So I really don't understand how I don't care when you don't ask. But even now I just want to tell you that I do care about your writing and that I am always on your side with it. Sorry I didn't tell you that every day. I thought you knew by the past and the fact that I never discouraged you from it.

    I even was on your side when you wanted to go to college to be a councilor. I've always been on your side when it came to future jobs/life/anything like that.

    Even now, I still will be. Just wanted to let you know that. If replies are slow it's cuz I'm doin laundry and cooking and cleaning up the apartment."

    I don't think I made it sound like it's her fault. It's both of ours. But at the same time I want her to know just how I feel. That just because my FB posts are happy/normal doesn't mean I'm all happy jumping around. It's an act I hafta keep up. I have a feeling it will backfire on me. But oh well. At least I explained it to her one last time.
  6. jessealzurius

    jessealzurius New Member

    I know exactly how you feel.My last relationship had lasted for 3 years.After she left me she refused to give a viable reason always going from saying "it wasn't working out" to pointing out every one of my faults.Afterwards she told me she had cheated on me.I fell into a deep depression after that and a few weeks later she told me that she had just been kidding about it she laughed while she told me this...it was a stupid lie that ruined everything.I learned though that every time a door closes another one opens up.You just have to keep trying.And if failed relationships make a person a loser then you are not alone!We should make a club with leather jackets and the word "Losers" printed on the back :p
    I hope you find that perfect someone.
  7. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I feel similar to this. My ex left me recently because he wouldn't wait a year for us to move in together. :( We're long distance and it was hard but I guess the wait wasn't worth it to him.
    It sucks because we love each other so much. All I can ask myself is, if you love someone that much, why wouldn't you wait? I wouldn't even question it..
  8. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    jessealzurius- I'm so sorry that that happened to you. It's so horrible that some people are like that. I love the jackets idea. Haha

    Avarice- That's horrible that your ex left for that reason. Part of me thinks that's why she left me. Because I think some part of her was hoping I'd magically come up with the money to move her out here to me. Money I kept telling her I didn't have. Because that was the most common disagreement we'd have. She wanted us living together and I wasn't able to because 1) I can't afford to move my license to her state and 2) I didn't have money for her to come to me. And each time she'd get mad at me, despite her having a job too.
  9. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Ok, I don't know why I look on FB anymore. But I know for sure she's moving on, and with no second thoughts at all. Despite me wondering if I should tell her that I wanna try again. I get it that she's not wanting to. And all thanks to a FB post-

    "Two, high fives to my sister, *****! Only been single a week and a half and thanks to some dating site she joined, girl's got play! *wipes happy tear*"

    I had to hide her posts. It's too painful to keep seeing her talking about dating sites. It's only been like 9-10 days and she's already going for others. I...It's taking everything I have to not just text her and tell her that apparently she's way more ready to leave this relationship and never look back then what I am. But I'm trying to not text her out of anger/depression or anything like that. But...damn it hurts when someone moves on THAT fast.

    I shoulda known when she had put a post up after only 5 EFFING days she put up a post about a dating site. I just wanna curl up and die now. I guess alcohol and crying will have to work better.
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm sorry to hear that, SaraRose...some people really just don't seem to care about others feelings. That's like my friend, he was talking about what a great time he was having and acted like I didn't exist, even though I gave him 7 years of my time and friendship. This is just one of those cases where it's best to move on, as hard as that might be. You don't want to keep putting yourself through this.
  11. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    It's horrible how some don't seem to care about how you feel. I mean if you wanna just forget about someone so soon fine, but at least be nice and don't rub it in their face so easily. It...it's just hard but now I know it's time to move on and say good-bye to what had been.

    :hug: I'm sorry about your friend doing that to you. It's just so horrible!
  12. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    I have never been in a relationship or ever expereinced anything of the sort..
    but i see that it causes drama. and it shakes people up. and makes them change as people.
    sometimes for the worse. I dont really understand love..