So today has been not so bad. Beautiful day outside, was actually for the first time in a long time energetic enough to get out and do some much ignored chores. Had a much needed conversation with someone that helped to clear the air about a lot of stuff. Had a good day with my little one. Even enjoyed grooming the mud infested horse. But yet as the night creeps in I find the old feelings slithering in too. I hate the nights. So alone. In my house alone. No one to talk to. No one to care. And then they start. The sad feelings the feelings of worthlesness. This is usually when I start to drink. I'm fighting it so hard but I feel it winning . And once I have that first drink then they win. The thoughts fill my head completely and I'll start cutting or popping pills. I dont want to, not tonight!!!But times like this all alone I think my depression is like another personality. How the Hell do I fight it? I havent tried in so long I cant remember how to even start to fight it!!