I recently admitted myself into a hospital this past summer, I broke up with my boyfriend of 13 years and was extremely depressed. I felt like there was no reason to go on living. After a 30 day stay I found myself home and lost, as if I didn't know how to acclimate myself back I to society. So my therapist called 911 and sent me to the ER. I was released the same night and after a few weeks entered an intensive DBT Program. I have been in this program for the past three months and for the first time I really like my therapist, but I am not comfortable being in group therapy. I have trouble talking about my issues and when I do speak in group it is usually to argue or fight with someone. Most times I am asked to leave the group. I attend therapy five days a week in an outpatient program and meet with my individual therapist in the program twice a week. I thought that I was making a little bit of progress, but in the last few weeks I feel that is not the case. However, the past few weeks I have been struggling with the thoughts of ending my life. I feel like I am terminally depressed and will never snap out of it. I find that most of the day I am thinking about ways of killing myself and I also find myself researching it in my spare time. I was always scared to go through with it but in the last few days I feel ready. Part of me wants to die and then there is a small part that is scared and hopeful that maybe just maybe there is some other alternative. I feel like my therapist is giving up on me, but logically I understand that it is only in my head, because there is no logical evidence that she is. I know that she cares about me and is committed to helping me get better anyway that she can. So if I know these things then why am I continuously thinking of successful ways to end my life. I would really like any advice I am scared and feel completely alone.