Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ereeka69, Feb 13, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ereeka69

    Ereeka69 Member

    I recently admitted myself into a hospital this past summer, I broke up with my boyfriend of 13 years and was extremely depressed. I felt like there was no reason to go on living. After a 30 day stay I found myself home and lost, as if I didn't know how to acclimate myself back I to society. So my therapist called 911 and sent me to the ER. I was released the same night and after a few weeks entered an intensive DBT Program. I have been in this program for the past three months and for the first time I really like my therapist, but I am not comfortable being in group therapy. I have trouble talking about my issues and when I do speak in group it is usually to argue or fight with someone. Most times I am asked to leave the group. I attend therapy five days a week in an outpatient program and meet with my individual therapist in the program twice a week. I thought that I was making a little bit of progress, but in the last few weeks I feel that is not the case.
    However, the past few weeks I have been struggling with the thoughts of ending my life. I feel like I am terminally depressed and will never snap out of it. I find that most of the day I am thinking about ways of killing myself and I also find myself researching it in my spare time. I was always scared to go through with it but in the last few days I feel ready.
    Part of me wants to die and then there is a small part that is scared and hopeful that maybe just maybe there is some other alternative. I feel like my therapist is giving up on me, but logically I understand that it is only in my head, because there is no logical evidence that she is. I know that she cares about me and is committed to helping me get better anyway that she can. So if I know these things then why am I continuously thinking of successful ways to end my life. I would really like any advice I am scared and feel completely alone.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to the forum.
    My advice to you would be to tell your therapist exactly what you have stated here 'that you now feel ready to do this'. Because these are obvious danger-warning signs. Even if it means you have to go back as an inpatient, it may save your life. We all experience grief when we lose someone close to us or a close relationship has ended, that is normal but when it goes as far as thinking of ending your life that is when you need to reach out.
  3. xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx

    xXxBrOKenWiNgSxXx Well-Known Member

    hi hun,

    i agree with cocacola, you really need to go tell your therapist. the best thing you can do is help others to help you.
    i know that its not that easy, it takes a lot of courage to tell someone how close you really are to trying, but if part of you is still hoping for a way out then you need to grab that part whole heartedly and reach out to people, you've made that 1st jump by telling us how you feel. If you feel that you can't tell your therapist, why not write it down?
    i've always found that putting your thoughts on a page helps and then you could just give it too them?

    i hope this is helpful for you

    p.s WELCOME!!
  4. Ereeka69

    Ereeka69 Member

    Thank you so much for the thoughtful advice. Lately I feel as if I am completely misunderstood as of noone gets me. And I have troubble putting my thoughts into words. I decide to join this forum with the hope that maybe I could connect with people that know how I feel.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are so very welcome. And I do believe you will find people here that you can connect 'click' with :) Lots of people find that here, that they are in good company with people who do understand what they are going I am glad you found us =)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.