Alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by RESTurtles, Jul 26, 2013.

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  1. RESTurtles

    RESTurtles Well-Known Member

    I feel like its my time, I guess if I dont come back its kinda obvious. Honestly wasnt sure coming here was the best idea, I mean ya'll are helpfull at times, its my fault, I guess I dont try enough, or try at all, yet I feel as if I say too much, crazy right? Told one person thats very close to my family, worst mistake, he tried but its not what I wanted, not sure what I wanted. I thought about suicide severely, to the point where I'm pretty sure selling my home, and all my other crap should cover all my costs, I guess if anyone finds me.

    I could go through why, what happened, blah blah, but I'm not one to say anything, not shy, just hide my true self. I feel SH has been the only release for me, to just go home, turn off the phone, hide in bed, and see how far I can go, sick right, I think so...

    Please, dont reply saying get help, tell me whats wrong, or any of that stuff, because the way I see it it didnt work, wont work, wont let it work. I feel I'm just one of hundreds of thousands of people...

    Thanks, LST,

    Richard, RESTurtles.
     
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    you told us not to reply, but i'm going too anyway- because i can't read a thread like that and ignore it.

    i've not read many of your other threads, so i don't know what baught you to such despair- but what i do think (you can feel free to correct me of course) is that actually, you're not ready to die.... it's not your time. you're posting on the forum which tells me that actually you are hoping for some kind of breakthrough- you may not see the hope yourself, but i see it as clear as day

    hope you stay safe

    emily
     
  3. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Richard,
    Sorry I had to reply as I care. I do understand, when you get so low everything seems hopeless and despair kicks in. Please don't hurt yourself, I think maybe you did want help as you posted. Some people can't handle suicide discussions especially sometimes family/friends as they blame themselves you are feeling that way. We understand on here as many of us have gone through this or are going through this. Please tell us whatever you can and if you have tried any treatments? I know how badly suicide affects families, please fight this. It will get better, you just need to see you can change.
    Often a change of direction can help lift depression, do small things each day to build up your energy levels again.
    Take care, please let someone help you.
    Kate
     
  4. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Richard,
    I have just looked at your other posts, you have suffered so much grief from family and pets. Please don't be ashamed, grief affects us all differently. Please seek out professional help, it is okay to be unwell and to need help.
    I lack confidence in posting and really struggle at times, I am trying however. It can help to un-burden yourself regarding built up feelings etc. please see a dr so he can examine you to check for conditions that can follow grief etc.
    Sorry, I do not wish to offend you at all. Some substances make depression etc worse and it is advisable to seek medical advice for symptom control/diagnosis.
    Your family would understand, you are not weak. Mental health problems are very common indeed, please get some help and get back your life.
    Take care
    Kate
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2013
  5. RESTurtles

    RESTurtles Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm still here, I failed...

    I dont know, I thought I knew, but I dont. I feel bad for even posting, theres many other people that could use more support than wasting it on me, yes, I mean that.

    Honestly, I went to the beach at like 11:30 pm (or a little after), expecting little to no people, I got one ladies SUV out of the sand with my truck, no big deal, but as I walked to the spot, I passed a few people, two of which were lovers (kissing), fine, walked a little more where it looked there was nobody near. sat for a while, then was ready, the end. Why I walked back to my truck, why I put my piece in the console, why I drove back home, why I feel asleep knowing I was too weak to even try, why...

    I know I was kinda in the dark about alot of stuff, I talked to very few people on here about my problems, was my mistake for saying anything.I know ya'll are trying to help, but I hit the "self destruct button"" along time ago...

    Thanks for caring or posting.
     
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