Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sidster95, May 24, 2014.

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  1. sidster95

    sidster95 Member

    Hi everyone.. Im new here and I dont really know where to start.. im 19 and left care after being in it for 1 year after leaving home due to physical abuse and emotional freaking torture from my family and mom and I just had to leave. Now 2/3 years on EVERYTHING is coming back.. I feel numb and angry and empty at the same time, i cant control my emotions or thoughts and I have no trust in anyone even though I have a boyfriend who tries his best and my previous carers. i have had bouts of feeling so low and wanting to kill myself all my life, but since ive left home for some reason its gotten worse, being alone and trying to keep ontop of bills and college and exams is making everything seem overwhelming. I felt when i was being abused and beaten up I constantly had this mask and everyone from college and school never suspected anything and thats my identity, im a fake and i dont really have one, all ive done all my life is be happy and cheerful in front of people to hide how i was feeling.. now i dont know how to act or what to do. some days ill just sit and stare at a wall for hours and some days ill take walks out in the middle of the night just to feel alive. im so confused about everything and everyone, i dont know if my emotions are real or if im just making them up or if my mom even did anything that bad to me i cant remember a single specific thing, all i know is when i try i panic....
    i know this is long but i dont know what else to do, for the past year ive been constantly down and suicidal everyday, my doctor gave me meds for anaemia and vitamin d but i still feel bad and i cant approach him about this stuff because hes not very approachable at all...
    im just scared.. i feel like i have no family and no true friends and my boyfriend is mad for staying with me when most days i cant even get up to wash the dishes or have a shower..
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi sidster95, very pleased to meet you and that you have reached out to SF, which is a wonderful place for getting thoughts sorted and written down and find support and encouragement with, hopefully, some new insights that will help improve your situation. I do understand how regular GPs can be too unapproachable, but maybe when you next see him you could write down what you would really like to say because he should be able to refer you on to people who can give you depth counselling about your past, with support for helping you to feel better. It might be a scary thing to do to have to ask him for what you need, but please have a think about it and tell your boyfriend, saying how much you appreciate him being there for you and you want to get well so you can both enjoy life more :) Blessings and strength, please PM me if you'd like :)
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    being alone and almost no support is hard, I find it very hard myself, everyone around has their lives, and I feel at the bottom of the barrel, with no one caring...I'm sorry you're going through that, I also left home at 16 and went into foster care so I can relate to that a lot...

    are there any counselors in school that you could see? perhaps they can give you information on organisations and groups that could support you?
  4. sidster95

    sidster95 Member

    Thankyou for replying it means a lot :)
    I try and tell him everyday but sometimes the days get so dark and I push him away because i cant understand what hes doing with me.. And I have tried writing down all the things id like to say but I always end up bottling it last minute feel a bit of a failure everyy time..
  5. sidster95

    sidster95 Member

    My college dont really care at all and my form teacher seems like he doesnt know what to do about me all he says ia focus on your studies and try and get the bet out of them but its not as simple as that when im constantly feeling like every day is a fight to stay sane and alive and not lose everything
  6. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I can relate to what you say about your form teacher. I'm always told by everyone just to focus on my studies and make the best out of it. No one nearby seems to know anything else to do, and teachers kinda seem to know the least. But maybe there's a youths-support thing in your town..? These are good places to go when you feel alone and empty and numb, because there are people that simply listen and you can tell them anything. And there are also other people that feel the same way and it's often good to just talk to them and listen to what they do to feel better. *gives you a hug*
  7. sidster95

    sidster95 Member

    Ive always had a problem talking about things and i get angry when i feel like crying which is a bit awkward haha
    But i know other people in care and stuff who just seem to be getting on with things and i feel like im useless dnt really think i can talk to them :'/
  8. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    *hug!!* I know how you must feel, kinda same here. Talking about problems is hard and I always end up crying, and I also get angry when I feel like crying, guess that's kinda usual or so '^^ Have you ever tried to write about your problems? I always text my boyfriend and my ex about that, it makes me feel a bit better. And when I feel lonely I pet my dog :D
  9. sidster95

    sidster95 Member

    My boyfriend tries his best to understand.. But i came too close to leaving him again today.. I cant stay with someone like this it cant be healthy im broken and insecure. He should b out there and happy hes that kind of person. Always the life of every get together... But this past year ive turned into this miserable depressing presence. I have nothing interesting to say or anything to talk about all i do is cry and hate myself
  10. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like that. You do have a lot of interesting things to say however, I often feel like this too when I'm down on myself.
    It's very hard when you have no support from people. My whole family isn't very too understanding about my situation either.
    Thankfully my boyfriend is very supportive of me however and he gives me a lot of strength to get past those depression lows when they do hit me. You deserve someone to be supportive of you. Please if you ever need someone to talk too, don't hesitate to send me a pm. :hug:
  11. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    How was your relationship with your foster family? I know that varies hugely from situation to situation but our foster daughter from several years ago that aged out of care we still talk to and when she is down or feeling alone still cs and comes by. If you had a decent foster family then you may find they would be very happy to hear from you and might be pleased to provide emotional support. If was a group home then harder but perhaps somebody still there you were comfortable with and can talk to? If none apply to your situation then disregard but if you got along with those people I can say from personal experience they may be very happy to hear from you and understand your situation.
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