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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bee, May 11, 2016.

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  1. Bee

    Bee Active Member

    Feeling very alone even with someone sitting right next to me... Without my son here life seems pointless ...ik I need to fight for him so hard but every day without him feels like a knife to the chest and a failure as a mother. As of right now I only get him twice a month and when he's here he just wants to go back to his dad's sometimes I feel like he's better off without me.
  2. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I am sorry you feel so alone. I understand what that is like. The desire to kill one's self causes isolation because we are not allowed to talk about it. In many ways, the isolation feels like the final slap in the face.
  3. Bee

    Bee Active Member

    That is very true especially when its your own flesh and blood when all you try and do is make yourself better but nothing is ever good enough
  4. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Bee-I know the space that you are in now very well. I felt alone-even if I was in a crowded room or with a lover, for many years. I eventually realized that I felt so alone because I felt unknown, unseen, misunderstood. I definitely felt unimportant and useless-no one seemed to need me or care whether I was around or not. This is going to sound crazy-but what turned everything around for me was when I realized that I had those same feelings towards myself.

    I didn't listen carefully to my own thoughts, I didn't have any respect for my own feelings-I didn't see myself when I looked in a mirror, I saw a pathetic loser but that was not who I really was. I hated myself-I saw myself as useless and unimportant. I surrounded myself with people who treated me the way that I treated myself-that was how I convinced myself that I was always right when I said that there was no hope for me. But there was hope for me-there is hope for you too.

    I gave up on people for a very long time and focused my energy on myself and my immediate family. Obviously-your son needs you in his life and you should always be there for him-but perhaps it is time that you pay some attention to yourself and let everyone else go for awhile. Your son will benefit from having a happier, healthier mom to have visits with. I combated the feelings of loneliness by always being my best and most loyal friend. I always treated myself the way that I wished to be treated-with kindness and consideration. Eventually-I found some friends that treated me the same way. My advice is that you give to yourself the love and compassion that you deserve and let everyone (and everything) else go.
  5. Bee

    Bee Active Member

    That is exactly what I am trying to accomplish. My only family is my mother and my son as far as I'm concerned and my boyfriend. Those are the only people who treat me right and appreciate me for who I am and don't expect anything in return. I start a new job Saturday and I hope meeting new people will help I just need to be more selective about who I call my friends. I'm just trying to fight through this time and without my son here next to me like I'm used to it is getting increasingly hard.
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I might be biased saying this... but you even wanting and thinking about your son tells me that you are far from a failure as a mother.
    I don't know how old he is, but at a certain age kids seem to 'chose' a parent, even if they are living together... and for some reason they seem to chose the one who is giving them least attention... so what does that tell you that he seems to be missing his father?

    Do you have any friends or peers where you live now? Have you been in any group settings with people who struggle with the same things as you?
  7. Bee

    Bee Active Member

    He is only 4 before I left his father never gave him any attention and ik now his dad just puts him in front of the tab bc that's all he wants to do here until I actually get him into doing an activity....I just moved a couple weeks ago and am pinching pennies I start work Saturday and am hoping that helps once I get money I plan to get out and do more but until then I'm in a rut.
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