Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lux, Jun 1, 2016.

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  1. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    I keep finding myself in situations where I'm putting everything I have into other people when they need it;

    e.g - my best friend suffers dreadfully from anxiety, and I often spend my weekends at hers, we order food, do nice things, make a big deal of having a great time - I love being able to help her, but it's emotionally draining on times. She also has LOADS of other friends, she's very popular, and quite open about her anxiety on social media etc, so when she's feeling bad, she'll put up a post and the messages of support will come flooding in.

    She's the only person I have in the world that knows things about me (other than a paid therapist), so when I'm feeling low, or unwell I have her to talk to (which I am ridiculously grateful for) but I'm finding that I can't tell her when she's feeling anxious as it'll set her off into a spiral of anxiety, I also have no one else to tell, so I just find myself sitting there alone half of the time, just crying because I want to die. I also never seem to be able to book time with her for just us two as she's so popular and in her words 'wants to please everyone' and just makes me guilty for even asking for some of her time as feeling pressured sets her off too. I love her with everything I have and I don't want this to be a post where I'm ranting about her, it's more about me having no one and having no idea how to cope when the suicidal thoughts come along, as it's getting more and more often no matter how far back I push them. Why am I always the one who cares, never with anyone left to care for me when I need it?

    Sorry for the long post, thank you SO much for reading.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hi Lux, welcome to the Forum, you sound like a compassionate and caring person to help your friend. Maybe you could get help with therapy of some sort to resolve the feelings. You will find lots of good people here that will support you too. Also, have you spoken to your doctor about medication, there may be something that they can prescribe to help.
    Take care of yourself and keep posting, getting your feelings out does help.
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2016
  3. ravens

    ravens Life is good.

    It's tough out there. Maybe not enough affection going around. Loyalty is a great trait to have, but remember to take care of yourself!

    hang in there lux
  4. JAbba2gEther

    JAbba2gEther New Member

    Hi Lux, in reading your post, I would first like to say that it seems that you are a compassionate soul that has a gift of helping. I wonder whether you are a nurse? Certainly, even if you are not undertaking paid work in assisting people, you may benefit from volunteering to assist others. There are many lonely seniors, disabled shut-ins or persons with another impairment who may benefit from knowing a person such as you.

    Your friend appears to be very popular, but it appears you may give too much to her. Many professionals know that, to give out to others, it is important to practice self care. This means creating boundaries for yourself, engaging in activities you enjoy and having some calm moments to yourself. What types of hobbies do you enjoy? Is there a favourite sport you like to watch or engage in. Are there reading clubs in your community you may like to join. Clubs, churches, or community groups can be places you can meet new friends and use your gifts for the benefits of others. One thing I should caution you about - don’t put “all your eggs in the one basket”, so to speak. There are plenty of clubs and humans around you who would love to meet you, engage with you and would benefit from having a cuppa with you.

    Do you know what? There are so many parents around you, seniors who are retired, or persons with similar abilities to you who would love to care for you when you need it. Take a step towards knowing them. Make a list of possible charities you are passionate about, some clubs that reflect your interests, or places you would love to explore. Then use your computer to research your local area, writing down some phone numbers and email addresses. Finally, make a goal to contact two or three of them.

    While you are alive, you can make a difference to the world around you, and you can meet people who desire to care for you when you need it. All the best in your search.
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