I can be surrounded by a crowd of people and still be alone. But I hardly allow myself around a crowd. It's too intimidating for me. I'm afraid that people will somehow find out about my bipolar. So I stay alone and lonely. I have one very close friend but always scared of losing him because I'm a burden. I cannot seem to find the balance of being friendly without being a burden. So I go to work come home and veg in front of the TV. What a life. I hate it so much. I just don't see a way out.