I am alone. I have been alone for a long time and I can't escape, I feel so sad and isolated but I don't know how to get out. I am currently in my first year at University, it was my last desperate attempt to find a way to be happy but it has failed already. Last year I tried a different course at a different University but I ended up having to drop out, I was very depressed and crying all the time there. I thought that maybe this time it will be different but even though i am living in student halls I have already become seperated from the groups of happy people all around me. The half year inbetween the two universities I spent living with my parents who I barely even speak to at all, i didn't cry there but I was still sad all the time. I have felt depressed, lonely and helpless for most of my life but there is nowhere to go. I can say hello to people and stutter a few lines of conservation but within a few days they drift away and eventually they always tire of my weak attempts to make friends with them. If I was certain that death is nothingness then I would leave because you can not be alone if you are nothing, you can not be sad or cry or feel depressed, but i am crippled by my doubt which tells me what id you go to a Hell or the next place is worse or if i fail and am paralysed or suffer brain damage. I am trying to stay at University but it is so difficult especially as I see the fun and happiness everyone else has here, what should I do ?