was laying on my bed crying again when my current friend/lover watever you might call it ( internet based 80 percent of the time) decided to go out..and not bother contacting me for long period of time, yes I know im dependant kind of thing, anyway when I was feeling sorry for myself, watever you want to call it I started thinking over my life sinse a child and how many *real friends* Iv actualy had and I realy couldnt think of ONE close friend? Im now in my 30s and have not had a friend, I have had boyfriends but not friends, it feels strange, i quuestion myself as a human being and mu character, maybe it was my illness? everything seems to point at that! my parents even abandoned me at early age, father pissed off to be a heroin addict and travel the world or some rubbish? mother was too busy with different husbands to care for her ill daughter? anyway blablabla I feel very lonely. I expect many others do to, well I know they do.. it feels sad..I hate this world, it seems full of shit now, people are mostly miserable,ill,tormented, watever, cant think of much positive things about this world apart from nature, trees, the sea, birds ect, humans kinda fecked the world up didnt they?