alone

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by whatever, Feb 24, 2010.

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  1. whatever

    whatever New Member

    I dont know where to start ,and i dont know what to do . i Have attempted suicide many times and failed i always woke up the next day.I have cut my wrists ,pills car crashes ect. I used to not be afraid to die im still not but lately I feel i have no choice. I used to have friends that cared about me but they are gone I am all alone the people that say they are my friends now always stab me in the back and lie to me.My familly has practically disowned me and they dont live in this state. I try to help others so maybe they would be there for me but i always wind up alone. I do have depression but i dont have meds cause i have no insurance. And very soon i will probably be homeless again due to running out of money. I just feel like people like watching me suffer i would never want to see anyone hurt. Last time i was homless I asked my daughters mother if i could stay there for a while till i get on my feet..... She drove me to the homeless shelter ... But she was kind enough to let 2 other people stay at her house who caress about me right? Why should i fight to live in a world that dont want me. I think of death all the time . I think the only reason i am still here now is cause of my daughter but my depression has just consumed me Im not the father i should be. I cant do this alone and if i have to go i have excepted my fate and you cant help everyone i guess.... thanks for listening
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: You don't have to do this alone. There are a lot of people here who can probably relate to what you're going through.

    You can PM me if you ever feel like talking or need a friend. I hope you come back and keep talking!
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your daughter would not want to see you go. You can reach out and get some benefits can you not to pay for you medication you need some therapy you need. Your daughter is worth the effort for you to stay well. Look into community resources that can help you stay strong okay keep posting it does help
     
  4. whatever

    whatever New Member

    I have looked into everything . I have tried to get assistance , I have gone to cpep several times when i feel like this the conclusion I have come to is cpep wont help me unless i have done physical harm to my self and if i have to go that far why bother going. I just cant take the ups and downs and the rejection. i have considered going to the hospital today but i will have to cut myself before i go. i tried so hard to be a good person and father. The world i live in is just too painful. My daughters mom knows my history and she keeps doing things to drive me over the edge , iguess everyone does even jobs i have had in this town. I Dont understand im not trying to hurt anyone but poeple are always trying to hurt me
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    People can be so mean. :( I'm sorry for what you've been put through. I don't know where you live, but can you go to a hospital and tell them you're in a crisis and need help, or will they not take you seriously unless you've done harm to yourself?
     
  6. whatever

    whatever New Member

    it doesnt matter i have told them before but going there is like being in jail. the truth is no one really cares . All i needed was some good friends and to know that i am loved but the truth is im not. I gave it a try today. but all i am met with is hate and lies. u are a wonderfull person and thank u for caring but i fear i am too far gone. I went to see my daughter today and i gave her a big hug... I didnt say anything about this i just wanted her to know that her daddy loves her .... i think she knew something was wrong cause she wanted to give me one of her teddy bears. She is such a sweet girl. I dont have anymore fight left in me. This asshole that i am renting a room from thinks that this is a game. I was there for him when he needed someone...i used to be a counslor for the adult mental ill and i want to tell u that i understand how hard it can be doing what u do. But the truth is u cant save everyone and i have tried. I know that i am going on a bit but i have no one to talk to and i really dont want to die but i dont want to live another day like this... i just want one person to know how i feel. there is nothing left here for me. But i did do the right thing i had a good meal took my self out to eat and now i just have to get the curage to do what i have to do... btw i live in syracuse Ny dont ever come here people are mean and hateful . I really dont want to die but i cant stand living. For all of the others u have helped and didnt say this i will say it for them thank you for listening

    Peace
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't hurt yourself!! :hug: There's still hope for you. I know a LOT of people have hurt you and let you down, but not everyone will do that to you.
     
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