i feel so alone. i don't know what to do about it. my 30th birthday is coming up this week. i had this huge party planned in my mind. it would be this classy party but have a club feel to it. my problem was that i didn't have the funds to have this party. so now i'm having a black & white potluck party at my house. not exactly how i planned to celebrate turning 30. but now.. no one is responding to the invite i sent out a couple weeks ago. and the ones that have are saying they can't come. looks like i'll be spending it alone. i had big plans for myself. things that i was supposed to accomplish by the time i turned 30. i'm supposed to be living comfortable with a family of my own, living this fabulous life. i don't quite have that though. with thanksgiving having just past, i did reflect on what i do have and i truly do feel blessed for that. i have my own home. a loving husband. a stable job that i enjoy. but i'm in major debt. am obese. no kids. no friends. outside of my job and husband, i have no friends to hang out with. no friends to talk to. i'm alone. and with my birthday coming up, it has reminded me of that. i have spent a majority of my life wondering if anyone would ever notice if i was gone. other than my family, no one was there cheering for me at my high school or college graduations. i spent almost the entire graduation ceremony arguing with my parents (who were in the audience) on my cell phone when i got my master's degree. most of the people who i invited to my wedding declined. i'm thinking about cancelling my birthday party. no one's coming anyway. and the sad thing is, my dear husband (being the man that he is) probably won't do anything special for me if i did cancel. i feel alone. as if no one would notice if i were to disappear from this earth. how did i end up this way? why did my life not stay on the path that i had planned for it? why is it that something as simple as my birthday turning into this huge emotional disappointment? i just feel alone.