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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, Mar 16, 2011.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Why do I get this way sometimes?? I am sitting here crying now.. Just because I want something to hold.. I just want my cat to cuddle with me.. Anyone.. Anything.. I just want to feel someone or something.. :cry:

  2. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Me too! But Ive decided my love is just a waste and that I should look for another instead of losing great tears. My cats is also the only I have left(cant say that sucks really, animals got hearts too..).

    Only I can say is to make your own weekend that everything is about you, and YOU! Nothing, no one can that away from you, not even law... Be free!!! Do what you like, have feelings for, find a nice friend to talk too(no, it's not that hard). My beautiful tip is to sign yourself in for some sort of group therapy, it works! You begins grow every sec like no other, and makes friends, good friends!

    Please, dont dare play quiet, please TALK!
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Yea.. I'm in some group therapy.. But I've been avoiding people. I've had some bad situations lately and I'm having a hard time trusting people. Also in the past, a lot of groups I have gone to I end up in a fight with someone or hated. so Idk. I have the group today and I told them I'd actually come this time. Sigh.. seems pointless though. There are things I want to do, but no way to do or work toward. I'm literally in a trap. It's not just the depression. I can't get a job because I may loose or get reduced disability benefits, and I can't save a lot of the money even if I had any left over at the end of the month, because I risk loosing all benefits.

    I guess this is where it turns more into a rant, but anyway. In August my rent will be assessed and at that time it will stay the same or go up. But also, I have my cat and technically she doesn't have the paperwork for all the necessary shots for her to be here. So I could get evicted for that maybe..

    I do have some extra funds this month as I got a back-pay check from last year in August, but only about $300 I can use. And I want to take a vacation, but I really don't think its worth 1 or 2 days in a hotel. Since I don't drive or have a car, I'd also have to get transportation or take a bus.

    I guess I can use it for my cat to get her shot, but then even if I get all the paperwork into the office etc, They still may raise rent. And currently, I just make each month above water.

    I think the only thing I can do maybe is find a job that pays in cash under the table. But then what is there I can get like that?

    I kinda wonder what they really want me to do all day when I don't even some months have money to do laundry. I guess I'm lucky to have a cat and a place, but I wish I could move out of here or get somewhere in life. But seems hard and nearly impossible with what I have to work with.

    I feel like I have so much I could do in life and no way to get there. Anyway, thanks for reading this.
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I pretty much feel the same way...lately I've been crying every night thinking how alone I am and I have no one, nothing.....its really painful and I can't stop it...

    I can relate to the money thing because I get money from the government because I can't work...they barely give you enough to survive, which is wrong, they should give you a bit more if you can't work...but oh well, its better than nothing I guess...

    I might join an art group that is a program made from the government so that would get me out and see people...face my phobias in a way....
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    :hug: Yea.. I hope you can get better with that. I don't have really phobias but I am really nervous around people since I've had a lot of bad experiences. I actually tend to be up at night and sleep the day as well.. Anyway, yea I don't understand the government at all. Hope things get better for you.
  6. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Swift, Hugs, Im sorry your having a hard time.

    Maybe its time to readjust your sleeping pattern, so when you are up you can go for walks, see other people doing things.

    Is it possible you would make more money working then on disability?
  7. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    It's a possibility I could make more, but then I don't know if I can really handle a job considering all my issues.. hm.. And if I loose the job I'm out of luck. There is a lot to consider.. -.- The other thing is even finding one where I live.. I also have no job experience so.. I prob have a low paying job if I found one. And I've done some looking, but yea..
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i think lot can identify with those feeling Swift i hope you can get out and just be among people okay try get your mind off the loneliness hugs:hugtackles:
  9. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    I definately can relate to your loneliness. I have no one and I mean absolutly no one. I had to cut my family out of my life (a long story) and I have no friends and trust no one and never will. I don't know why I even bother try to figure things out. I might as well finally just end it already. It makes much more sense then living a life that means nothing. Sorry for my vent, you just kind of brought up a sore subject I am trying to deal with. Thanks for listening! kmj221[/COLOR]
  10. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that but still some kinda release I am not alone(NOT alone, that what this thread is all about I have decided :cool: )

    I am a trash I cant take this anymore, told me I was telling another lie today(I wasn't), am I worth being treated this way? Im not asking for reward to being "the princess", but I am a human been(dont judge my spelling I know that was soo right!), I should be treated as one, this century... what a start, wish you were dead anyway??? Nothing can be more worth, am I right. God there's alcohol my best wish!

    YES, we are listening! Me, my friend, my mind and best personality. We are all listening to your story, no one is going to take them away from you when you're feeling sad, not the strongest but I will do my best to have it done, I like helping people, but whenever I try folks from ward comes, police including and takes me like I am the crazui... Is that right, let me have that straitjacket, actually, I have my own in the closet so dont be scared if I have trouble writing;

    Just be yourself and dont give up, no one can takes your mind and whats in there, really, it feels horrible but they just cant. Never! Keep talking, Talk, talk, talk!!!! Shout it out LOUD!!!
  11. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Its alright :hug: I totally am there.. My parents gave me to the government when I was 16, and after that I was in foster care. I also have no friends right now and not sure it would be good to even have any in person, considering how erratic I am and how I tend to confuse people. :hug: But I do have SF and for now, that and my cat is what keeps me alive.