Alone.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Beka, Mar 1, 2012.

  1. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Lately, I really feel like I’m losing control of myself, I sincerely apologize if it always sounds like I’m complaining. I try and hide it, but I can’t. I hate my reflection, I can’t stand what I look like, I look fat, but what do I care? Everybody’s looking at me, what do you want me to do. I’m starting to live like a recluse, the truth is you are all giving me an excuse for it. Why in the world do I feel so alone.

    I guess I’m just talking to myself.
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You feel that people stare at you? It sounds a little like Social Anxiety. Have you heard of it?
    This place feels like a surrogate social life sometimes

    Do you feel that you always have to be on guard when you are with other people, like you cannot relax because who you really are is unacceptable?
     
  3. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    No I haven't heard of it, I just feel like everyone expects things from me and I can't do/be those things. I just don't want to go outside anymore, only time I'm comfortable around others is when I'm pretty drunk.
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I think you should read about it, see if anything resonates.
    And I know the feeling, drunk at moment and been quite social.
     
  5. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I can't eat in front of people either, there is literally two people I can eat around and even then i need to cover up my face, that's when it's at it's worst.
    Will do, I'm only ever drinking when I come on here, only way I can talk about these things. Thanks for replying :)
     
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Have you tried things like asking the two folk you can eat with to eat with you and try not covering up, see how that feels?
    Fear of eating in public is common, among social anxiety sufferers and others. Do you feel vulnerable when you eat?
     
  7. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I feel like I should be ashamed of eating, like it's a crime. I've tried both of those things, but I'll still refrain from eating all day if I have to. It's weird, it's almost too easy for me to ignore hunger.
    I feel like everyone is judging me for eating.
     
  8. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I wonder why you feel its wrong for you to eat?
     
  9. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    beats me, it makes me feel guilty
     
  10. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Can you try writing down how it would feel to eat a big meal? What thoughts you have?
     
  11. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    I can't finish meals. I've never finished them, I feel sick about halfway through and have to stop. I'm constantly looking at others too. It makes me feel crap to eat them, before I would purposely not finish them whereas now I actually can't because it makes me feel so bad.
     
  12. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    How about making a smaller portion and trying to finishing it?
    Have you had any counselling?
     
  13. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Tried that, I still do the same.
    Nope, never thought about it tbh, the idea of talking to a counsellor makes me cringe.
     
  14. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Counselling can seem cringeworthy but it can help a lot.
    You need to try to analyse why you have these thoughts.
     
  15. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Hmm I guess so, I don't really know much about it but it would have to be on my terms.
    I couldn't do this whole oh I need to take time off work because I have an appointment.
     
  16. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    If you can afford it you can go private and you will control when you go.