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Alright time to seem stupid....but...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by SaraRose, Apr 1, 2012.

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  1. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    This tuesday I'm gonna talk to the doctor about just how I feel. I haven't been treated for depression since I was 16. And that was only for like a month before the costs became too much. Anyways...I've always had trouble at that part. I know he can't tell my family. I know he can't tell my boss. And I keep reminding myself of that, but I'm still scared they will find out. Anyways screw my worthless, petty worries. My main problem is- I can't tell him! Really I can't I try to speak it and my throat closes up. I write it on paper and I always scratch it out before I get called back into the exam room. I've even tried to write it out on my phone and just show him the message on the phone. But I can't. Everytime I try I always hit the cancel button and erase it.

    I wish I had someone who could come with me, just hold my hand for strength but none of my family knows and I know I can't tell them. I don't have any friends here that I can have come with me. Anyways I know this may be stupid to post but...it just causes me a lotta worry and anxiety and I just wanna feel happy again...

    Also...I just thought about it how long do I tell him I've been feeling like this. I've been truthfully like this since I was about 12-ish. Do I tell him that long...Or should I just make it like closer to my age now...I'm not sure telling him like 16 years would be good....

    Like I said...I know stupid...but...well I know I'm stupid so hey it works...
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    hi SaraRose,

    I know how you feel. It took several years for me to finally deposit myself in a doctor's office, go through the sign in procedure, wait, and then communicate the problem to them successfully.

    I think the thing that is most important, and most helpful if you cannot find the words, and know that it will feel impossible once you're there and they're sitting across from you asking, "what seems to be the problem today, Sara?" is to say just enough to put the onus of them to ask you direct questions. Meaning clear yes or no type questions. When I went in, I told myself all I needed to say was two words: Anxiety. Depression. After that was out, they would take over with their questions and the hardest part, just broaching the topic, was over. No need to be specific or get everything out right away. Just say 'depression'. "I need help with depression." They will guide you through from there.

    As for the duration, there's really no benefit to giving them misinformation on that. You're there for help with this. Giving the truth will allow them to help you to the best of their ability.

    I know it's hard. I know. It gets easier. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. Just answer questions. Nod your head yes or no if you can't speak. You can do this.
  3. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your answer Mr. Stewart. I'm just gonna keep telling myself over and over and over to just say that one word when he asks if there's anything else. :hug:
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Good luck on Tuesday. You may not have someone with you for reassurance in person but rest assured the entirety of SF is there with you in spirit. :)
  5. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Damn I effed up. I really truly had it written down that the appointment was for Tuesday and while clearing out my voicemail I get that it's today, and I'm already like almost half an hour late. Like they'll take me in now. What now! Damn I really screwed up. I just wanna cry now...
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Honey....... "never stop - keep going until you win"........... hope you still tried for the appointment, or asked for another one..........we're human hun and we all stuff up from time to time.
  7. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    They're closed for lunch and I work today so I can't get in, but I'm gonna apoligize and beg for another appointment. Man I was just starting to feel like I was actually a responsible adult. I just hope I can get in agian soon, and this time I'll post it everywhere so I don't screw up.
  8. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    SaraRose you are very hard on yourself. In concentrating on the main issue, your problem communicating with your Dr, you did not give enough time to the actual appointment time. A small mistake, easily made. Say to yourself 'Whoops, must remember when the appointment is next time' and move on.
  9. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    I know the difficulty in telling drs what is wrong. I still find it so difficult and kick myself after walking out that I didn't get the support I so desperately need. I like Mr Stewarts response in just saying the direct answer and letting them ask the questions after that. Its something I am definitely going to keep in my mind for the future. By the way... I don't think you are stupid for what you have written. Its a hurdle many of us have to get over. Some find it more difficult than others. Hope you get the support you are after.
  10. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I'm loosing my confidence on being able to tell him. Right now I feel...numb...I don't feel happy or sad just tired. And right now the numbing tiredness is so normal for me that I keep telling myself nothing is wrong. That I'm not going through depression that this is a normal feeling.

    I miss being able to write. I used to write all the time- stories mainly- and loved it. But now, when I try I find writing impossible to do. I just don't like it anymore. I used to love to make necklaces and bracelets but again no love for it. I can't find the energy to clean, what's the point.

    This stuff I know isn't normal. I know the numbness and extreme tiredness isn't normal. But I keep finding myself going "Why are you going to tell him? Look you aren't crying. You're numb, it's a normal feeling. You're stupid to tell him."

    I just hope I can keep the courage to tell him how I feel. But I'm afraid I won't tell him the whole feeling...or that I will say something that makes him think I'm...stupid...
  11. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    you can do it. Try not to think of the entire conversation, just get out the start of it. Doctor's job to take over from there,.
  12. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Mr. Stewart thank you so much for your support. I was able to get it out. At least it's out there now. Right now he's having me try herbal stuff mainly cuz of the meds I'm on (and that are working) for my migraines don't allow for most anti-depressants. He wants to try this route before changing all of my meds around for both depression and migraines. But at least it's out there, and I feel better now. He said if in 2-3 weeks this hasn't started helping any then he'll put me on meds- probably.
  13. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

  14. Damask

    Damask Well-Known Member

    Try not to beat yourself up for being late, SaraRose. I have the same issue. Whenever I make even the tiniest mistake I feel like the scum of the Earth. And I'm chronically late almost everywhere I go.

    It's only been recently that I've learned to not be so hard on myself. Force yourself to take the time to keep those thoughts at bay. It helps in the long run.

    That being said, I'm sure these people won't tell you you can't make another appointment again ever. :p

    As for being afraid to tell everything, well, only you can solve that problem. There's nothing any of us can say that will magically give you the strength. It's a hurdle that you must learn to overcome. Just know what once you finally do it will probably be one of the greatest feelings in the world. You did it! You conquered your fear! Victory shall be sweet. :)

    EDIT: Oops, late to the party. I guess you already did it. :p
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 11, 2012
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