Hi there long time no post I've been feeling much better now and I'm going to try to shair some of what I've learned sence I left but I can't say I will respond to any posts so I'm going to try to cover everything in just this one. I enjoy the feeling of a bruse, still, regardless of if I am depressed or happy so perhappes this is a slution to a problem none of you have but I've found that 'training to failure' gives me the feeling I'm looking for. -that is working out till you fail and can't do one more rep. This has also helped some with my appetite. The other idea I had was one that I never explored but found vary interesting. I have put a great deal of time and effort into escaping this world and making my own by learning to lucid dream. I can now have a lucid dream if I want with a little work though I don't cair about it much anymore and only take advantage of the dreams I happen to realise I'm in. One of the things I discoved was that dispite what some people say most people CAN feel pain in dreams and dispite what you might think you CAN inflict harm to yourself and even enjoy it (that pinching yourself trick only works for a few people), the point being that it is not real and there are no lasting effects like scars. The major down side is that unless you are a well well train insanely good master of lucid dreams you can never have one right when you want.