Always Feeling My Life Could End Any Minute

I probably won't kill myself but I'm in so much pain that one day I always fear I will just snap and kill myself.

I live alone. I don't have much friends. I live by myself. Age 22, never had a gf and never been on a date. I hate my job and I don't have much prospects. My best friend don't even talk to me anymore, even when I tried talking to him.

When I wake up, I sometimes think that's it's all a dream and that I'm not really me, a loser, but in the end, I realize that I am still me.

One of the most painful things that happened to me was there was this girl that I really liked. I told her that I liked her but she didn't feel the same way about me. She even suggested we never meet again because it would feel weird. What hurts me even more was that when she had a bf, her bf cheated on her, but she still had the heart to forgive him, whereas in my case, she wouldn't even give me a chance.

Some people just don't understand the pain I go through. There was another close friend I had, I don't have chances to talk to him anymore now that he has a gf, but when I told him I wanted to commit suicide and I wasn't joking, the best thing he could say was lol or try to shrug it off as a joke.

I'm not a stupid guy, in fact, I do well in school but not well enough to be successful. Also, my people skills sucks. So, I couldn't even get some of the jobs that were relatively easy for all my friends to get. My parents aren't poor, so they can financially support me to a great extent. So people think that I am already much more fortunate than most people. But they just don't see I'm a very lonely guy and the pain is just eating my inside.

Even though I am not going to kill myself now. I truly fear in 10 years, it might happen anytime.

 

XMIZER,

I am truly sorry that you feel so lonely right now. And it seems that the relationships that you longed for did not meet your expectations, hopes, or needs. And I am sad about that for you. However, you are a bright young man with your entire life in front of you. I do know the pain of loneliness...but it won't be this way ALWAYS. Please don't EXPECT the next ten years of your life to be as they are today. You CAN BE successful! You ARE successful today. You say you don't have many friends...so find some new friends. You don't have the gf you desire yet...but keep hope alive...don't stop dreaming. You Will have another gf one of these days. Start being thankful for what YOU DO HAVE and more will be given to you! Things can get better and brighter....just believe.

Cheryl

 

Dear XMIZER,

I know what you mean!

where are you from? I am from the netherlands.

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> Lieing and god hmy: <

 

I'm from US but I live in a foreign country where I don't understand their language. It is extremely difficult for me to make friends as it is back home, but now I can't speak their language, it's nearly impossible.

I've been telling myself I would get a gf year after year in the past, but it has never occured. It's not that I have high standards and I'm not really ugly, but sometimes I really don't know why I can't get one. I know my personality is not always the most attractive, but it's simply because I'm an iconoclast. I don't conform to society's values because I feel I have to, I only conform if I feel it is right. Even if I want to change my personality, it's not easy. I have tried before in the past but it never worked out.

 

Wow......you are almost identical to me. I fear for my life because I dont know what will happen over the next 5 years, 10, 30 years. I honestly dont know if I could cope for that long. I am also having girl troubles too.

But my situation is a little different to yours. You still have a great deal of hope, even if you dont see it right now. Girlfriends tend to turn up at the unexpected times...thats just how it happens. It could be tomorrow or the next week, next month. You just dont know. The odds are with you my freind. You are still very young. Give it time.

Thats not to say that you are not in a great deal of emotional stress. I know you are and I know exactly what thats like. Hang in there, your turn will come and when it does, it will be that much better.

 

Thanks for the responses. I really hope things will get better. If they get worse, I'm for certain that I will end my life.

 

I know that I don't know your full situation, and I'm sorry that it's hard for you to make new friends. I know how it is to live in a forgein country, I'm doing it right now and I still have 2 months left before I'm going back. but there's a thought I'd like to share with you.

I understand completely what you're talking about when it comes to making friends. I've had an extemely hard time trying to make new friends and I didn't really succeed either. the thing I wanted to say however is that if you're not happy living in a forgein country because it's too hard on you on a social level maybe you should consider going back home and try it again in an enviorment where it's easier to make friends because there's no language barrier. I know that might sound a little radical, but the idea behind it is that if living there makes you feel like you want to die (or makes you indifferent about living or dying) then what is the point? I mean, if you live in a place that physically threatens your life you would move away too, why would this be any different?

If you don't want to go back you can also attempt to learn the local language, even if you just try people will look at you differently and be more open. if you haven't tried yet you really should try it before you do anything else, I know from personal experience that it really takes you a long way.

these are just suggestions that I hope can help you, mainly because I know how hard it is to live a long way from home when you're feeling lonely. I hope you can use it to your advantage. just think it over, these were things that helped me for a long time. I hope they'll do the same thing for you.

mick

 

How are you going XMizer.....Are you doing Ok?

 

Starting trying to feel like garbage again.
I was supposed to meet this girl, that I acquainted from the internet. I went to the meeting place, messaged her on her cellphone and asked her where she was.

She tells me that she had some urgent private business and can't come on that day. I was really angry for several reasons. I hate it when people cancel last minute, but not only that, she didn't even bother cancelling. It's only when I messaged her that she told me she can't come. I was already at the damn meeting place. Why do people bother making arrangements with another person if they can't keep with it? All my life, people have been cancelling arrangements with me for the lamest reasons (I'm tired, I'm a bit sick).

I think that even if you're tired or a bit sick, you shoudl still keep up your promises to another person. The only exceptions are really important matters or life threatening events. If people just don't like me, why do they pretend to like me, agree to meet up with me, and delay rejecting me till the last minute. I hate how they just put it off .

And I hate how this stuff always happens to me. if my life isn't bad enough ,it just keeps on going down hill.

If I want to die, I don't think I'm being unreasonable. My life just sucks.

 

are you living on your own? what does your parents think? let me tell you, girls and parents should not have absolute control over your happiness. i'm 37 it took me a long time to figure that out. friends don't exist. live for your hobbies.