There's no hope, not in my life. I can improve my situation, gobble pills, talk about my plans... It's just a lie anymore. I can't escape how i feel. I tried every med i can think of, tried meditation, tried finding better relationships, work, no work. Nothing helps, it occasionally makes it worse though. It's not just the moods, insomnia, or knowing how scary life is. Or how people always use you, and leave. I see 0 point to life. Go through it in pain, loose more important relationships, work all day to make bill payments, die. I see nothing more. I want to "try" at least. Let people think i'm happy, let them know i tried in the end. I see it as inevitable. I know eventually i'll be gone. We all "go" someday.. I don't want to say it anymore. I refuse to let the remaining 3 people in my world try to stop it. Or think they could change how i see this. Bye hope, I never knew ye.