Not sure why, but I have been having really odd dreams lately. It's like scratching on the surface of a memory, or a long forgotten feeling. I hate the prospect of Holiday right now. I want to be with my family, or at least with my closer friends. I kind of wish I didn't harbor this crush on someone that can never return it. I have been sick and tired for the past two weeks. So I legitimately stayed home from school. I miss so many people, and my life has felt worse than it does now. But I just...the hardships seem so endless, so pointless. I am afraid no one will ever love me the same way I love them. No one will ever openly admit that they matter to me, as much as I feel like I matter to them. I lie, I hate myself, I smile, I am constantly up and down with my emotions. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and it explains a lot of the stress in my life. My head is always spinning, and even today, while I've been relaxed, I am worried. Always worrying, and hating myself, and loving everyone else. I don't know. Don't be concerned if you're reading this post. I just don't know how to feel anymore.