Always negative..why bother?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kennnn, Dec 3, 2008.

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  1. Kennnn

    Kennnn New Member

    Im just tired of it lately. I was diagnosed with major depression.
    But i always feel like negative things will happen. Like i get ideas in my head and i end up believing them..
    I always think my girlfriends going to cheat on me, hurt me. Leave me. I Never understand why she stays with me..
    I always take simple things, twist them inside out and then make them something thatll hurt me emotionally.

    I have over 20 cut scars. Ive had moments where i was slamming my head on the wall wanting to die.
    my dads somewhat of an alcoholic and its a long story of my life..
    Im just afraid of myself, what i could do to myself. everything in life.

    Ive been with my girlfriend for going on 11 months. I just want to be normal like i was about 7 months ago. Each day it gets worse..
    Medicine? I hear it makes it worse or can help, but if im being controlled by medicine and can't fully be myself, why live?..

    Im tired of living..
    Its so hard to not cut.
    Every second right now i just want to die, cut. Do something to make it stop.
    I'm tired of my mind, tired of crying. Tired of it all.
    I dont want to suffer.
    I want it to end..
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2008
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    Welcome, I'm glad you found the site. For me, medication didn't really take away any control from me, it just helped me cope a bit better so that I could do the hard work in therapy that I needed to do. Like you I had a crappy childhood, and you'd be amazed at how much that can effect your adult life, even if you have moved away from your parents. Do you know the book Toxic Parents? Look for it at the library, it really puts things in perspective.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I liken depression to diabetes...if you had diabetes, you would take insulin...therefore, with depression, it is perfectly acceptable to take meds for is always worth a consultation...big hugs, J
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Kennnn,
    You have depression so thats a given. Now you need help because you can't battle it your self. You will need to go to the hospital and tell them what is happening and what or who can you see about it? Depression usually comes from a chemical imbalance in your head and can be taken care of by meds. You will also need a therapist to put things in perspective.
    It is nothing to be ashamed about, there are thousands of people who fight it dailey so you aren't alone. That is why alot of us are here at the forum, for extra support. Think it over because it won't get better until you fight back. Good Luck!~Joseph~
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