I haven't slept well in almost a week and I keep "forgetting" to take my meds. I can't forget what happened. What almost happened and what could have happened. If we had talked maybe we could have been saved but we ducked out and now I'm just left with questions and all these people who love me but no one who really cares. Finding out that it was all a lie comes to me every night. replaying scenes like a crap ass movie that should have run it's course now. Why does this loss still hurt me? Why can't I move on? I'm doing a fantastic job of faking it. No one has any idea how much I crumbled when we said goodbye. How much I'm still crumbling. I have absolutely no idea what to fucking do.