Always suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by eternalsleep, Dec 14, 2013.

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  1. eternalsleep

    eternalsleep New Member


    I been always a suicidal person since my childhood. Now im 36, making plans to kill myself. I give enough chance to my hopes, all failed. I was always loser and still im.
    People think im stupid weird and they right. I wish i can be like anyone else. I lived same experiences repeatedly, so, my future will be same, then why i should live this life. Wish I die now but its not that easy. Wish all life on this planet destroyed, so all sadness destroyed.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry hun you are so sad You are not alone here ok and you hun only deserve compassion and care not harm hun so please continue to reach out for support your deserve ok hugs
  3. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Maybe you would like to share with us as in why you suicidal
  4. Alonenlonely

    Alonenlonely Active Member

    I know how you feel....know you've heard that before....I am also 36, extremely depressed and wish I could just go to sleep and never have to face this cold, lonely, sad, depressing life for another day. Everything I do has been a failure too....I don't see any hope or a way to go on like this.
  5. Rookie

    Rookie Active Member

    Hey there friend, as Alonenlonely says i know how you feel, and i know you've heard that before. Although I do not has as not suffered from depression as long as you ( since age 11 and im 22) i do understand the suicidal nature and tendencies associated with major depression as every night i think about how shitty everything is in my life, and its not like i can help it, the thought that i should kill myself just jumps in there and starts screaming at me... If you wanna chat you can feel free to pm me, im not on a computer so might not reply straight away, but i will reply
  6. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    eternalsleep...i feel EXACTLY the same way. i am in my 30s also, totally alone, the love of my life in love with someone else, no friends in the world, not even someone i can pick up the phone and talk to. on days when i'm off from work, i often don't even hear another human voice unless it's on the television or radio. to know that if you disappeared, not a soul on earth would even care, hardly anyone would even notice...and you've lived so much of your life wonder, what the hell is really the point??

    the only thing people like us have is the hope for a connection with others who can relate. and that's what you can find here. so for that reason, i hope you'll stick around. and who knows? maybe we could become friends.
  7. Alonenlonely

    Alonenlonely Active Member

    Oh my goodness!!!! Reading your post was like going into my own head....I could've written nearly the exact, same thing that you did!!! I've been sitting here since Friday alone and noone has said as much as two words, besides my Mother calling me. If I was gone, noone would care besides her....I suppose she is all that is keeping me here.
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Alonenlonely, sometimes the only thing that keeps me from killing myself is just one thing that I hang on to. It helps to know that at least I have one thing that keeps me going, even if it's silly to everyone else.
  9. Alonenlonely

    Alonenlonely Active Member

    mpang123....I just want to go so badly!!!!! I hate my life so much and I don't see a reason to continue. I am here for that one person, my Mother who I think would have a hard time if I did it.
  10. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Alone, at least you think about your mother and care how she will feel about you if you killed yourself. That's a very good motivator for you, even though it's the only one right now. Maybe you will think of other things to keep you going eventually. If you make a list of what you should live for, would you have only one thing on your list which is just your mom? Try challenging yourself and think real hard what you cherish in your life. You might not find it easy, but at least think about it. I wish you well.
  11. Alonenlonely

    Alonenlonely Active Member

    mpang, I think I am at a point where I feel there isn't anything going on in my life and that I basically am here to be the way I am. I'm sorry I feel this way and I thank you for trying to give me something to try to feel better.
  12. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    When I feel so down, I just turn on the news and hear all the tragedies that happen to other people and I thank God that I am fortunate that things could be worse for me.
  13. Alonenlonely

    Alonenlonely Active Member

    mpang123, I don't like to see or hear about anyone in pain or hurting like I am or worse than I am. I am always trying to make others feel better and more optimistic about their lives. I suppose most people I know would think I'm the last person they'd think would feel as I actually do. I feel so bad inside until I am embarrassed to tell anyone. I go through life pretending to be great and ok and doing well. I struggle every day with happiness and can't remember the last time I can say I was really happy and not faking it. Things could be worse for me, you're right but, I just wish they weren't bad at all. I'm so unbelievably sad.
  14. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Alone, Be kind to yourself. Just as you like others to feel better and more optimistic, you deserve that too.
  15. Alonenlonely

    Alonenlonely Active Member

    mpang123, thank you for your kind words. I imaging you are a really nice person. I don't know why but, I feel like and have talked myself into feeling I deserve to be mistreated and disrespected, even by myself. I wish I could feel better about myself.
  16. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Alone, if you try to be kind to yourself, even if you have to force yourself to believe that you do deserve to be treated and respected, you might feel better. It takes effort to do that but I believe in the power of positive thinking. Especially when you're feeling so down. I'm just throwing you a bunch of ideas for you to consider. Your life depends on how you want it to be.
  17. J.benji

    J.benji Member

    I know what you mean. I'm not sure what to do. I feel my whole life I have been trying to wait this out and it doesnt get easier...Barely finding strength to write these words. It is all just so sad. From beginning to end. Do we exist just to experience those breaks in suffering? What if the breaks dry up?
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