Suicidal is my baseline. It's my norm that I've had to learn to live with and learn when it's normal suicidal and when it's dangerous suicidal. They feel pretty different, but I feel so sick of having those thoughts every day. I feel like I can't make them go away and their persistence is chipping away at me, convincing me slowly. I've been taking a medication that's been helping me a lot, but even that doesn't make the thoughts go away and it's not keeping off the depression that is coming with the cold weather. I feel helpless, like there is nothing I can do. Even when things are going well, I can't keep the thoughts away.