Always suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Luca, Oct 19, 2015.

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  1. Luca

    Luca Member

    Suicidal is my baseline. It's my norm that I've had to learn to live with and learn when it's normal suicidal and when it's dangerous suicidal. They feel pretty different, but I feel so sick of having those thoughts every day. I feel like I can't make them go away and their persistence is chipping away at me, convincing me slowly. I've been taking a medication that's been helping me a lot, but even that doesn't make the thoughts go away and it's not keeping off the depression that is coming with the cold weather. I feel helpless, like there is nothing I can do. Even when things are going well, I can't keep the thoughts away.
  2. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    It's alright Luca, you have come to a good place because everyone here understands suicidal thoughts and feelings and are here to support each other. You can feel free to pm me if the thoughts feel like they are too much or you can post anywhere around the site and I can guarantee someone will come to support you. You will find out soon this a very safe place and is filled with nothing but good people:)
  3. Luca

    Luca Member

    Thanks, robroy. I feel strange about being here, I've never logged on to one of these before. When you tell people you're suicidal, a lot of the time what they say is that you're not alone and a lot of other people feel that way. I guess the trouble is not that I feel alone in feeling this way, just that feeling this way feels so terrible.
  4. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Well-Known Member

    I have been in the same position as you have for the last six years, so I want you to know you arent alone. I deal with depression and thoughts of suicide each and everyday.
    I've also been on medication in the past and it has done nothing about the depression or suicidal thoughts.
    Being in this situation is terrible, but you are here and hopefully sharing these feelings with others will help you.
    I wish you luck here :)
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    what medication are you taking that is helping? maybe run it by the doctor, i mean mentionn how well the drug is working for you and maybe they could increase/decrease etc...are you seeing a therapist? If not, that is a great idea. I have had some great therapists and would not be where I am today without them. I wish you all the best <3
  6. Luca

    Luca Member

    I'm taking Fetzima. It's a newer class of drug, an SSNRI, selective serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. I got some genetic testing done that was supposed to tell me about what drugs might be beneficial and which won't be. That testing said that standard SSRIs are not so good for me, but SSNRIs might be. It has helped my daily anxiety a lot, and even my depression. But for some reason, even when my depression feels less intense, the thoughts don't go away. I do see a therapist, but not very often due to my schedule. It does help a lot though. Thanks for the thoughts and support.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are very welcome hun and wow I had never heard of genetics testing for treating depression, I guess they got it right, try and fit in more appointments with the therapist hun, that'd do you the world of good :)
  8. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Luca,welcome I have been feeling the same way, I realized it just a while ago, I did think it was just a phase I was going through but it has not left me, like you some days I feel like finishing this all it seems to be driving me to do it then i feel a little better but still it is like an itch that won't stop, I am sorry that you have had to deal with it, i am glad that you do have some relief even if only a little!, keep talking in here an keep sharing, Keep yourself safe Be kind and gentle to yourself as well! Thanks Luca,
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