always thinking about suicide.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by coffeekitten, Jun 10, 2010.

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  1. coffeekitten

    coffeekitten Active Member

    I think i am just a sad person in general. i am always sad and unsatisfied.

    when i was 15 i started getting terrible migraine. I was in constant pain all day everyday, with nausia too. I always felt depressed and anxious.

    When i was 16 i became anorexic and developed a crippling anxiety disorder, it got better, but then i got OCD (obsessive complusive disorder) getting horrible intrusive thoughts about being a terrible person. (if you have ocd you'll understand how depressing and restricting your life becomes)

    Now at 22 i still have ocd (had it for 4, 5 years) i feel exhausted all the time, have acne i'm overweight, have a bf who says he loves me, but has cheated on me in the past and that makes me feel terrible about myself and i can't get over it, even though it's been 2 years.

    I always feel ugly so ugly like a hideous monster, people shout fat at me in the street, and stare all the time.

    i think about all the starving people in the world and i think how stupid and selfish i am feeling so sad all the time, when at least i have food and shelter.

    I am so tired though, so sick of being sad and anxious and having terrible self esteem. I took an overdose a few years ago and it was a terrible experience. I'm not scared of death but i am scared of the process of dying now. the pain, i'm really scared of the pain.

    I am always thinking of new ways to kill myself, it makes me feel relaxed, but i know i just can't do it again. so i feel there is no way out now.

  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    people all over the world have problems. and you have yours. you are entitled to feel the way you do and dont have to feel guilty. please dont. but you also deserve to find help and have happy days instead of always sad ones. keep posting and letting stuff out. it does help honest. if even one other person reads and understands your pain, it helps to lighten it a little. i undertand :arms:
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    BED can be tough to live with. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is not very supportive.

  4. coffeekitten

    coffeekitten Active Member

    thanks for the posts everyone. adam, what do you mean by BED?
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Binging Eating Disorder (I'm pretty sure that's what you described)
  6. coffeekitten

    coffeekitten Active Member

    oh i'm not actually a binge eater, i eat pretty healthy. I've been anorexic in the past, but never a binge eater.
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