Always worthless

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Iain, Jan 9, 2012.

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  1. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    This is a short note here to firstly reassure all who sent nice thoughts to me that I am alive and OK. On 2nd January I had a major melt down. I guess it had been coming for a couple of weeks. My eldest son took me off to hospital and I have been in a psych ward for the past week. Mind you I took one look at my sons on Friday and wanted out of the place immediately as they are clearly stressed by my depression and me being in a psych unit.
    So I have had to discharge myself early, it was a choice as to whose needs were more important. And the kids needs won out over mine.
    I am on new meds. Must look them up in a minute and see what they are. I am back into therapy tomorrow and have to also visit my GP.
    I feel as though I have gotten nowhere over the past six and a bit months and that I am again back at square one.
    Again thankyou all for persevering with my dreadful state of mind.
    If you dont mind I will not add to that thread as when I reviewed my words, I found it brought all of those horid emotions back to the surface.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sad to hear of your recent meltdown Iain but glad you were in a place where you could get the help you needed..

    I hope that with the meds, GP, and therapy you will again start to move forward.

    Christmas, new year is a really difficult time normally and you have enough reasons to find it even more difficult to cope with
    I personally only just made it through myself with proffessional help.

    I hope the new year will bring you new hope and a fresh start to a new life..
    It seems clear that your children love and need you very much
    take care of yourself and thanks for letting us know how you're doing :hug:
    what are the meds you are on if its' ok to ask?
  3. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for the compassion IV....
    I can now admit to myself that Christmas was a very difficult time for me. The meltdown began probably a week before that. Also I was trying to cut my medication down as I feel that at some point I need to stand on my own two feet. Finally, this was the time that my ex chose to tell me that she had moved in with someone else. So the combination sent me over the edge, but I did get myself to the emergancy department and I did admit myself, instead of being forced in like last time.
    I was on Paroxetine, it seems to have some very serious side effects when you try to come off it. Even when you gradually reduce the dose over months as I did. I am definetily not going back on it. I have been taking it for over 5 years. The psych told me that he would never prescribe it.
    I am still on Mirazepine, and seroquel.
    The new ones are Pristiq and circadin.
    I still need to look them all up and see what the side effects are.
    I am determined though that I want to remove these medical crutches in time.

    Thanks again
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey you did have a double whammy over christmas..
    sure you didn't need your ex telling you that news..

    I had the same problem getting off my Efexor as you did the Paroxetine and now the doc wants to put me on Paroxetine
    i don't think I will ....I will ask for something else..

    you did well getting yourself into hospital and seeking help
    that's a huge step forward
    keep fighting this ok.....I reckon you can do it..
  5. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    Thanks again Iv. The Paroxetine was alright when I was on it. Although I think after a while it lost effect. Coming off it was a different matter. And today my GP told me that there have been other reported problems though didnt elaborate to me. Therapy was good today. I was told that perhaps I needed to think of the suicidal Ideation as me looking to change how I live. The Therapist actually made sense. In addition my GP told me that perhaps a lot of this wasnt my problem but my Ex's self esteem problems.
    So all in all a better day.
    Thanks for the thoughts.
    It means an awful lot knowing that someone out there has empathy and compassion.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I think the T is right about your wifes self esteem being the problem..
    doesn't take the pain away but hope it helps you to see it's not your fault.

    also like his idea about SI being about wanting to change your life..
    I've thought that a lot myself lately...

    My doc said Paroxetine is one of the older ADs and it would help me sleep
    I'm guessing the older ones are more addictive and was told they have more side effects
    It certainly didnt help me sleep..the 4 days I took it I was awake all night

    pleased to hear you had a better day and sounds like you have a good therapist. :hug:
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    First, I'm glad you're doing better! Christmas and holidays are often difficult times. And on top of the holiday stress and issues, your wife dropped a bombshell on you. :hug: But now you're all set up to get some help.

    I'm familiar with Paroxetine withdrawal problems (ick!). The newer meds seem to have fewer problems (*crosses fingers for you*). It's always important to ask the doc and the pharmacist about side effects and about what happens when you go off them. You're wise to read the product inserts and info on the website about them. :)

    My mind is still spinning about your ex giving you that news at the holidays. That just seems spiteful on her part. I'm so glad you are getting better now!
  8. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear Iain,

    I'm not sure we've met before....please pardon me for being late to reading your threads here. Without question, reading about how you chose to discharge yourself early for your sons was of the most selfless posts I have read on here. Still, I hope you did benefit from the psych ward experience. Good luck with your new meds, and I'm glad you are safe....I wish you well. :hug:

  9. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for the posts of support. It means so very much to me to know that others are going through similar things and that I am not alone.

    It was another good day. I suppose if the good days continue I can discontinue these posts and shift elsewhere. I attended therapy and my therapist tells me to try and make very small changes in my life in order to experience greater change over time. I guess I need to get out of the rut I am in.

    It seems that I have also made a number of posts about my ex in this space at different times. On reflection it appears as though she has been rather thoughtless, or tactless. However, I am also reminded that each story has more than one side and all I am presenting is my lone perspective. So my posts need to be read in that context.

    I am back to therapy tomorrow and Friday, then probably for the better part of the week after that. The problem is that holidays will be over in about 2 weeks and I need to go back to work. That was when I regresses in my recovery. You see there is work and as a single parent I end up rushing around all over the place after the kids. It is unavoidable. So while this time is good I guess I have trepidations about what lies just beyond the immediate horizon.

    Any advice is more than welcome.

    Thanks for the hugs and well wishes.
  10. Iain

    Iain Well-Known Member

    Just letting anyone who follows this with their well wishes that I am going to stop placing threads on this bit of the forum. It is Friday morning, I think that my crisis has abated for the moment so I am going to put some posts elsewhere in these forum.
    Again, thankyou all
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    ok Iain..hope the crisis has passed for you..
    re it the job thats stressful?
    I hear teaching is a very stressful job..with just cause
    perhaps you can answer in your new thread
    take care
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